A Pain in the Ass: In the Mind of an Immature Immortal

Living a life without pain... well, thats what most of us want now isnt it. Im not saying that what im about to tell you will get rid of it. Who do you think i am? You foolish mortal... even "I" can't fix the problems that cause us to hurt. Pain lives within our very mind. and if i could alter the mind well, i could rule the world!

But no, i cant rule the world. im sitting here in the basement of some old man house,  of which i was supposed to be his apprentice.. so much of a teacher he was. Yes, there was immense sarcasim in that. He just sat there, gave me a book and told me to read it and then said "one day you will acheive greatness! Like what the Hell? oh no its cool, just tell me im going to be amazing, and then just grow old and stop teaching me , no its fine, doesnt bother me at all... Just kidding, he is retarded. Not that i have anything against retarded people! Just, they annoy me is all.... so yeah.

My name is Ryan. No, i dont know your name. and NO, i dont want to. Your just another person, another "mortal" to say "i got swag" or "im so fly". well, you know what im going to say to that? im going to say this, "Your a FUCKING retard. so get a life and get out of my tiny little basement!" again, nothing against retards! im just saying that, so as to not offend some of the more... sensitive people out there.

If you have a problem with what i say, and how i say it. then leave... its not like i TOLD you to stop by and listen to me. So dont go crying to your mommy when i call you a little bitch for complaining! Because, if you must be so critical, and "bitch" is a female dog. So if that offends you then i guess "dork" does too. and if dork offends you ... then damn your life is going to suck.

All in all im just here to finally talk to someone. It's been 500 years since my last visitor! Can't get laid while in a basement with an old man upstairs now can you?? Walk up to a girl and be like "hey baby, wanna come lay on my 300 year old sofa, in a tiny little basement below my old man ? " NO! the damn line doesnt work.. ive tried.... Anyways, back to you guys. So, if you want me to talk about you, your going to have to actually talk to me, okay? okay. Dont be scared! i DO bite, but i promise it wont bleed for long. You'll be dead before it gets painful anways. Get your ass back here, i didnt say i was GOING to bite you now did i ? Exactly, you make me feel like im a terrible guy..  how could you? Harrasing a young man like me..... im only 693 years old and you treat me like im 281 ! Terrible, terrible children... You disgust me. ANYWAYS! Tell me your names, and ill tell you a story, deal? Its a fair deal, because last time i checked... i dont give a damn about any of you. So you better feel pretty damn proud that im talking to you, and if you dont... well, that sucks.