i can't explain

morii

i'm not sure
when it first started
but at one point i realized that
nothing is forever.

one moment here,
the second gone.
and i'll look back,
i can't remember.

only once
will i be able to see
my cousin walk down the aisle with such delicacy.

only once
will i be able to see
the sunlight kissing the face of my friend
so his face glows with pure joy.

only once
will i be able to see
the last risings of fallings of my grandfather's chest,
eventually ceasing to be.

i wish
i had a photographic memory.
because then all that i've experienced
can be a living dream.

way too often,
i wish
i could press pause.
if only for a moment
to breathe in the air,
see the little details,
smile with tears
or even take a moment to just
enjoy.

because without remembering,
i will forget
the meaning of the little things,
the things i regret.

i can't move on when i can't remember
the way she teared up when he removed her veil,
the way he smiled at me with those dimples and teeth,
or the way he gripped my hand but couldn't speak.

i'm not sure
when i first realized
that there's no stopping in this world;
living in this world stuck on play
when i wish i could take a moment
to click a shutter
and remember.