You're the Secret (Jaime Preciado)

Chapter Five Lots of Cussing

Jaime sat across from me in the lounge of my bus while I nervously bit my lip and twirled my thumbs together.

"Look at me?" his voice was meant to come out like a demand, which failed him, he sounded like a hurt, vulnerable person. The uncertainty was radiating off of him.

I reluctantly looked up, already feeling the tears burning my eyes. I blinked and looked Jaime in the eyes. "Why?"

"Because you're fucking crying, maybe?"

"I'm not crying, Jaime. I just didn't expect to run into you. I thought that you would have some grand album release tour to go to," I said with sarcasm dripping like venom off of my every word.

"Rain, I get that you're upset and d-"

I cut him off, "It's Lorraine to you, Jaime. You lost the privilege to call me by any nickname when you took advice from a drunk, babbling Fuentes."

"No, you're still Rain to me. You'll always be Rain."

"Fun thing is, I don't even know if I want to be called anything by you ever again," I half screamed with my voice pronouncing every word sternly. It was a lie, a boldface, blatant lie. He knew it was. Anyone who knew me could tell you it was.

"You don't mean that, Rain. We both know you don't mean that one bit," Jaime says back with the same tone I used.

"You don't know that. You left, remember?"

"Dammit, Lorraine! I didn't want to fucking leave you! Don't you fucking get that?" he shouted, pushing himself off of the couch and slamming his fist into the wall before hitting his head directly next to his hand.

"You did though. You fucking did."

"You don't think I regret it?" he asked, his voice low and quiet. He was crying, and Jaime would never cry in front of me.

"I would certainly hope that you didn't, since you left me and didn't give me any reason other than you not being able to do it, whatever the fuck 'it' was."

"Lorraine, will you just hear me out? Just give me five minutes and let me speak. With absolutely no interruptions. Okay?" he asked, turning back around and sitting on the couch, as far away as he could from me, giving me space.

"Fine, but not five minutes. Three, maybe. I just don't want any bullshit excuses from you about this."

"I swear nothing I'm about to say is a bullshit excuse."

I just looked at him and watched as he racked his brain for exactly what he wanted to say, giving a face I remember all too well from when he'd be writing lyrics.

"Lorraine," he started, glancing up at me from the corner of his eye, "there hasn't been a day since that night that I haven't thought about you. I know that I shouldn't have listened to Mike while he was drunk and I was drinking, but I did. That's the worst mistake I have ever made to this day. I've tried so many times to just move on from you, and not once have I been able to, because you were one of the greatest things I have ever had.

"You always managed to put a smile on my face, no matter my mood. I realized once I turned off of your road that I threw my happiness away. As soon as my back tires hit the street in front of your house I threw all happiness away. Nothing matters if you're not here, because I need you with me through everything. I realized that once I drove away, I realized that too late.

"You're so sad Lorraine, you're always sad. And I think that's what makes you beautiful to me. You're always saying that nobody will ever love you. I don't think you understand how much everyone loves you. I never cared so deeply about anyone until you came along. I just wish you would realize that I loved you so much. I still do."

He paused for a minute and thought a bit more, "from the moment I saw you I thought you were pretty. You were pretty up until the times I saw your eyes swell when you cried; or how you stutter when you're saying goodbye to someone you know you won't see for a long time. You were pretty until I saw you lock your doors at night because you never knew what would happen; until you told me about your past. Until then you were just pretty, but after that I considered you to be one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. You're beautiful because not many people could go through everything you had to deal with, and smile when telling the stories.

"I know that you don't want to hear any of this, but I can't lie to you. Sometimes you tell someone to never talk to you again, or you tell them to get out of your car. Sadly, the reality is the exact opposite. You want that person to stay in the car and fight back. Every time my phone went off I hoped that it would be you calling me or texting me. I just don't want anyone more than I want you, Lorraine."

"Jaime, I don't know if you expect me to believe that, because after having Vic tell me that it was because of Mike, I don't know if I can believe you anymore," my voice was harsh and bitchy. I didn't care about that, "you don't understand what it did to me having to get out of your car."

"Lorraine-"

"I didn't know out last kiss was going to to be our last, Jaime."

Jaime looked at me through bloodshot eyes, and suddenly moved towards me. His hands grabbed my face, his thumbs resting on either side. He tilted my face towards his and kissed me. The kiss made up for the lost time with the amount of passion, lust, and need.