monday,
do you ever get that feeling when you sit on your arm for too long and it goes numb, and you're just fascinated by the feeling?
beginning of a long week, i can't lie and say my weekend was horrible because it really wasn't, but having to back to reality is what made it worse. i just wonder am i going to even make it to 20?
i wonder why the earth punishes people who are the happiest and are the kindest with such horrible diseases such as cancer? but then leaves people who want to die the most to just let them suffer in silence? crazy how things work out like that. for example, my brother has type 1 diabetes, if he had too much sugar or didn't take his insulin he'd die.. but knowing if i had an option to just eat loads of sweets to make me die i would do it.
i wonder why so many people who are the least humble get fame for attention? can do the simplest thing like say 1 quote and end up with nearly 10 million followers for acting outrageous, or belly dancing for followers at 14? funny how fucked our society is to allow that, you'd think we would have evolved but we all prove each other wrong.
do you ever wish you could have a button to rewind time? it makes my stomach churn to know how fast i would press that button to 3 years ago.. doing the same things but making every movement so steady. knowing that I've really fucked up everything even though so many people tell me "its fine, you'll get through it" as if there in my shoes? i won't lie life is an amazing thing, but only what you make out of it, i envy people who have such positive attitudes, for so long i tired having one but gave up knowing that nothing going to get better in 2 years, no matter the lies people tell me.
god must really hate me to see my suffer.
