"I Told You I Love You" | Rucus

Anxiety Part 2

The note in this chapter is a real letter I wrote to a guy I like. I thought it fit into this story, so I added it in.

*Lucas*

I grabbed the paper off my locker and read it. Tears forming in my eyes.

Dear Lucas

I don't know where to start, but here is everything I'm feeling and everything I think of saying to you.

You're the reason I live. You are my beating heart, but also the one who breaks it into pieces. I want you to see how much I care, and I have never said this, but how much I love you. I've never known much about what love felt like, but I imagine it like this. The thing that makes you smile, it's thinking of that person the first thing in the morning and the last thing at night and every moment in between.

People say that you need to love yourself before you can love another. I don't think that's true. I don't see anything good in myself, no matter how hard I try, but I see every good thing in you, and every bad, and I love them both. You call me pretty and smart, but I don't see it. You are the one with the beautiful eyes that see the perfect in me. You're the one with perfect hair and perfect face.

The face I dream of seeing every time I go to school. The days I do are the best. They make the worst of days become the best of days. Some days I see you, but you don't see me. In my mind I scream and scream at you to just look at me. See me! See me! See my pain! Then there are the days I don't see you. Those are the worst. I hold out hope till last period. Then the bell rings and I realize it just didn't happen today. Then I become foolish and still hope I will see you in the hall if I leave. Then there is the last moment of home as I walk down the hall and I hope I will see you before I leave, but I don't and all I think about on the bus on the ride home is you.

Remember in crafts class when you gave me that ring? Well, that was the moment I realized I liked you and that I was sure that you liked me. But honestly, I'm still not sure. All the signs are there and all my friends keep saying you do, but do you? Am I making it all up? Are my friends just holding up hope for me? Or are they seeing what I don't see? Because I don't see it. How does a perfect, nice, smart guy like you like a fat, ugly girl like me?

But I hope that you do. I hope that one day you will tell me that you do. I want you to continue to make me feel like I'm superwoman. Like I'm the only girl. I want you to be the one that will cause me pain, but I will not care. I will want you anyway.

I want you to know this and I dream of saying this to you, but I don't have the courage to say it. I even kind of hope you will read this and know, but at the same time I would die and never show my face to you again.

Sincerely Riley

I couldn't believe it...she loved me...still, after all I have done. I love her too, but I hurt her so much, and I hate how much pain she is in. I didn't even know.

I wanted to tell her I loved her too, but Missy would kill me. I don't know why she did this in the first place.

*Maya*

"Hey Lucas," I said answering the phone.

"Hey, Maya, I read the paper today. Is it all true?"

"Yeah, look there is something that I need to tell you."

"I can't believe she is in so much pain. I can't stand being the one who did this." He said and he sounded on the verge of tears. "Now, what si it?"

"Never mind, I got to go, I'll tell you later." I saod amd hung up the phone. It wasnt all a lie, he can't know how much he hurt her, it will be very bad.

"Okay, Maya, explain." Mr. Matthews said as Farkle finally arrived.

"Okay," I said and sat down. "Now don't speak until I'm finished."

I explained to them how Riley and Lucas broke up and how. I explained to them Lucas's side of it. Also how miserable they both are and how both are faking their happiness, especially Rilwy who has been having depression and anxiety for a few months because of Lucas and Missy.

"My baby..." Topanga said in tears, she wasn't the only one, we were all in tears.

"She needs help, professional help. Now. While I figure things out with Lucas."

"We will, she won't be in school for a couple weeks and I promise I will get Missy expelled." Cory said.

"Good," I said and I looked at Farkle and he nodded knowing what I wanted, then headed to Riley's room. Her parents then went to the phone to make some calls. I then left and headed to Lucas's.

"Hey," I said as he opened the door.

"Hey, care to explain school today?" He asked, not wasting any time.

"Look, Riley felt everything in the note and a whole lot more. She has beem very depressed and anxious lately because of Missy, then more so because of what happened between you two."

"Seriously??" He said and his face was filled with despair and sorrow.

"Yeah, she was good at hiding it, but she is getting help for a few days before going back to school. And Missy will be punished, and probably expelled."

"I hate to say this, but good. I want to beat her myself, but I didn't want Riley to hurt."

"I know..."

"Should I tell her the truth?"

"No, she needs to focus on herself. For now, just say you broke up with Missy and be friends with her again."

*A week later*
*Riley had been in therapy and is taking medication. Missy is expelled amd Lucas and Riley are call to friends*
*Her first day back.*

"I'm not sure I'm ready..." I said ending the halls, feeling like everyone was staring at me.

"We're all here for you." Maya said.

"Yeah, even me," Zay said.

"Thanks, just stay by my side and I should be fine." I said to Maya.

"Always."

We all walked in to my dad's class and that's when everyone looked up at me

"What are you all staring at?!" Maya yelled, scaring everybody into looking down. I looked down and went to my seat. I hated this, I felt like a display at a museum.

I looked back at Lucas and he smiled and I was forced to smile back. I was glad we were friends again, but it was really awkward.