Loving U [Sample]

Chapter 1

"Good morning Jaycee, I'm glad that you decided to meet with me this morning." Doctor Harp my therapist responded as I sat across from her.

"Yeah me too." I mumbled looking down at my fingers picking at my nail nervously. The room became silent as I gathered my thoughts trying to figure out what I wanted to say and what I shouldn't say. She watched me as if she were trying to get inside my head.

"Is there anything that you would like to share?" She finally asked. I guess she got tired of the quietness. 

"Yeah, there's actually quite a few things that I need to say." Nibbling on my bottoms lip I thought of what I should say first but then my mind had went blank. It was like this every time I would come. When I thought that I was ready to tell her what's been going on with me it's like I stopped myself from revealing the truth.

Truth is no one knows what's going on behind those oak wooden doors of our three story Victorian home. Beyond the two side spiral stairs that leads to the second floor and the third door on your left which happens to be our room.

No one knows about the fights, the tears, the disappointment, the abuse, the stress, the brokenness. Nobody knows anything.

And I'm tired of hiding it from everyone.

That was it. Those three words finally broke me. The tears that I've been holding in for the past three days finally rushed down my face. Who would known that those three words would have had a big impact on me.

'This is the first step to recovering.' I thought to myself. If I can't do this for myself then I need to do it for the life that's growing inside of me.

"I don't know if I'm coming or going some days. It's like a never ending cycle of sadness."

"Most days I look forward to the verbal abuse just so that I could get it over with. At first I thought that it was a little phase that he was going through when he wasn't drafted into the NFL after college; but he blamed everything on me."

"I was the cause of his downfall, he blames me for a injury that he got two years before we had met. I know he's cheating on me with someone and it feels as if they are right under my nose."

"I hate it that I gave up all my hopes and dreams to help him fulfill his. I hate that I gave up on myself to keep him happy and satisfied. I hate myself for not loving me enough to leave the first time he pushed." I mumbled the last part but I knew she heard me from the sad facial expression that was painted on her face.

"Don't feel sorry for me; I'm a grown woman who should have known that staying with him would drive me to the point where I had to seek out therapeutic help."

"I don't feel sorry for you JayCee, I just know exactly where you're coming from. The only different between the two of us is that instead of going out to look for help I stayed and almost lost my life." She confessed.

"I walked away with scars; while you're walking away with an empty soul. Don't let what he said and did determine how your future is going to be. Do I make myself clear?" She added.

Speechless to the point where I couldn't form a simple yes. I just nodded my head letting her know that I understand. I guess I judged Mrs. Harp all wrong.