Our New Human

1

               We got our Human about a week ago. This one is a female, with fur colored 6.09 on the color spectrum, eyes at 6.55 and skin at approximately 5.02. I'd put that in human terms, but I only understand Blue, like her eyes and fur, and White, like her skin. She answers to Elsie, and according to my boss she is very dangerous.
     "Humans are almost invincible species. They are unshakable, highly enduring. You could run from one for a day, finally escape it at night, and have it appear in your camp before you've even sat down your bags. Inescapable! One could break a phalange, put some tape on it, and continue as usual. It could be bleeding, and place some absorbent materials over it to deal with the pain. If it is in pain it can swallow a small rock with pain-relieving agents. Humans consume most anything organic. They need to consume solids 2-3 times a day, and liquids often to avoid dehydration. They are very physically able and can handle training for several hours to better their acute abilities." Grim had said.
   "And this female sort, even more tolerable. Every 20-30 days, it sheds some of its internal organs and bleeds for days, but the Human doesn't die! It places a sponge inside itself or underneath the site of the bleeding and continues its normal proceedings while dealing with emotional distress and severe abdominal pains." I was quaking in the corner, terrified of this indestructible beast.
   "And they can NEVER be left alone," Commander had said.
    "Why is that?"
  "They have insatiable needs for companionship."
   "What does that mean?"
  "Humans in their natural habitat, befriend small furry creatures to live with them. We will have to purchase one to sate her. They cannot talk with them, the creatures do not offer anything in repayment but affection. Humans call them, cute."
    "What is this cute?"
   "I can't be sure, I've never experienced it. Sources say it is an aesthetically pleasing object, but not in a sexual or organized way."
   "I will have to use that word around our new human. I'm very worried, sir." I had told her.
   "Not to fear, they befriend many things that they probably shouldn't but have an uncontrollable rage inside them that unleashes with misdeeds, so one will prove very useful for us. However, humans need pleasure and to be accepted or they will fall into a condition called depression. They rely heavily on humor, but some things seem very rude to humans. Keep an ear out or you will offend them and they will not show affection to you for many days. It is advised that you do not make comments about physical body mass or sexual relations to humans or say things with negative intent. Or you will unleash said rage or they will not engage in conversation. In addition, playing auditory stimuli will please them and sometimes make them move to express gratitude. If you receive a token from a human, it is a sign of bonding and a new token should be given back in return."
   I had taken extensive notes, prepared for a hulking, hairy beast set to kill or befriend at any moment. But that all changed when I met our Human.
   I'd heard a deep voice command, "I know you'll do good, rookie." before I turned the corner. This human was much scarier than I'd prepared for. Indeed, the owner of this voice was tall, had bulky limbs, and was very intimidating. He wrapped his arms around a small human and bid her goodbye, then walked away. This wasn't our Human.
   "Ok, I'm looking for a blue, short, thin alien, answers to Xil." the smaller human said. I heard my name and walked towards the human.
  "Excuse me, are you our new human, Elsie Fenton?" I asked it.
   She whipped around and with her mouth spread out oddly.
  "YOU'RE Xil?" Elsie cried. I  tried to nod hello but the human instead ran towards me and wrapped her upper limbs around me. She stepped back.
  "Xil, you're so CUTE!"
And that day I learned what cute was. It was the adorable little human who'd joined our fleet.