MelodiousNightWolf's Drawing Pad

6.) Take Me Back? //Vent Art\\

     Yes, I am aware that my sister, family, ect. may see this. I accept that. I need someone to know. Even if they see this, and are disappointed in me. This is just something they should probably know but I'm way too scared to say. And disclaimer for my fam, there might be swears. I'm venting in a way I don't show them, but hey. They'll see what I am now, eh?

First off- Swear warning right here- I'm not fucking perfect.

     My family is amazing. So are my friends. But what am I? My family call me beautiful, amazing, funny... So do my friends... But I feel like I'm just trash littering this earth until I die, decompose, and am reborn as something different. Here's to praying I become something who is better. And my family could be reading this and thinking-

"What do you mean? You're not a bad person, I've known you for over twelve years."

     That's what you think. Because I'm more often then not happy with you. And one time, Mom even asked me if I was depressed. I'm sorry Mom, I love you, but half of me wanted to say yes. I just don't want you to be worried about me. I'm not committing suicide. I have people to live for.

...But so many of those people have been pulled out of my reach. It hurts. I can text the two I truly cared about, but it's starting to become different...

It's not enough anymore.

     I know, you probably can't do shit since I live in another state from my old school, but once I left, everything changed. It all started back when my step mom told me I was going back to my old school. She smiled like it was a good thing. Tears brimmed my eyes as I tried to smile, and the moment I had closed everyone off, I was dying. I was crying. And over all that, I was just about ready to die.

     I went to my school, and the first two years were okay. I reconnected with Kat and some old friends at my old school, and everything was happy. I'm pretty much never bullied, and it never bothers me much unless they keep attacking me, repeatedly telling me about the trash I know I am. Yes, that's happened before. Then, I thought back to my old school. I realized who I loved. But he was at my old school the whole damn time. Only know you love er when you let er go, ey? It's true for me. We've managed to start texting again, and have talked about our feelings before. He knows what he does to me, or at least he should. He keeps living in his light. He's funny, he's kind, and he's one of the best people I'll ever meet. He knows I'm -probably- depressed, and he accepts it. He hasn't pushed me away. Even knowing I'm depressed, he promised to hug me when we meet next. Kat, too. She's been keeping me alive. They both have.

     I wasn't really depressed until I texted him again. I realized exactly how much I missed him. I want him back in my life like it used to be. We used to run across the fields. I was the werewolf, and he was human. We would always kick some imaginary butt and laugh about it in the end. I still remember one time when we found a grub. We named him grubby, and made him a theme song. We made a Squenguin, which is a fusion of a squid and a penguin. He figured out that my favorite animal was and had me add it to the mix, making it a Squenqwolf.

     Getting back on track to what this is supposed to be, I just really miss them. I know nobody can to shit sense I have to live in the state to go to that school, but I would do pretty much anything to go back. I would kill for them. I would die for them. All I want is for them to take me back.

... It won't happen though...
...Nobody will care...
...But that's okay...

I doubt many of you read all this, but if you did, thank you, in a way.