Asexuality & Aromanticism

Questions About Asexuality #2

Questions About Asexuality #2

"How do you explain asexuality/aromantisism to people who expect you to get a boyfriend/girlfriend?"

Answer

This is a hard question to answer because everyone's families and friends are different and everyone will react differently to what you have to say. Also, a side note, I personally have only semi-come out to my little sister. All my parents know is that I "don't want a boyfriend." I personally haven't come out because I still live at home and I know the shit storm that will ensue if I tell them I'm anything but straight. That and it's not a big deal to me! So I can't say I have very good expertise in this area, but I will try my best!

I think the first thing you need to realize is that being ace/aro is no big deal. It's not. It's not the life-changing, world-altering thing that when people find out they just gasp and run for cover. It's a simple thing that does not define you. It is a part of you, yes, but it's really just one facet of who you are.

To some people (parents, grandparents, guardians, etc.) it might seem like a big deal at first, but they will learn to accept it just like anything else. It's not like they can change it. I've actually had more grief from my family about being vegan than I ever have about not wanting a boyfriend. Isn't that sad?

But as for your question, how to explain being ace/aro to people who expect a significant other sometime in the near future, just tell them that you're not interested in having that. If you want to start small, do as I do. Just say that you don't want a sig. other. It's the truth, after all. Then, as they get more comfortable, start telling them that you're not interesting in romantic/sexual relationships if the topic comes up again. Add more information every time it's brought up.

You know your family and friends. You know which ones will be most accepting of who you are. Tell those people first so you can build a good support. If there's a parent or friend or family member who you know probably won't accept you, and if you absolutely feel you have to tell them, then just tell as best you can. If they don't accept you, then it's okay.

But please, be careful. If you think that you are safer being in the closet, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO COME OUT. I know that it's the thing now to come out to your family and everything, but not every family is the kindest towards other sexualities. Also take into account your neighborhood, school, and friends. Chances are that if you come out to one family member or friend, the news will make it's way around to everyone that person talks to. If you don't want everyone to know, tell trustworthy people. If you are safer in the closet until you move out or whatever, then please stay safe. Your safety is above everyone accepting your sexuality.

It's okay if someone you love doesn't accept you, all right? This is the final note I would give. Just because someone can't understand you doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. Don't define yourself by what they choose to see. Their little box that they live in is their choice, not yours. Why define yourself by their fishbowl when you have the whole damn ocean to swim in?

I hope this helps! Long story short, say little bits at a time. Tell more as it comes up or as people as questions. Tell to those who are open-minded first, and keep your safety in mind when you decide who to tell and when. And if others don't like the answers, then that's on them and not on you.