it hurts [eruri au]

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"Ugh. I hate this," my hand landed on the red button of the alarm clock, trying to stop the obnoxious sound coming from it.

"Come on, turn off, you stupid piece of trash!" I started shouting at the alarm clock, the palm of my hand pressing as hard as possible against the button.

"Okay, mate. You just pushed me over the fucking line," I muttered, furious, before giving it an enormous punch, causing it to finally stop beeping. I let out a big sigh, stroking my own hair frantically. The headache was still hunting me from the previous day.

"God damn it. I drank too much... again."

The sun rays filtered through the curtain to rest gently on my face as I slowly got up, stumbling dangerously. A sense of nausea came up my throat, threatening to make me throw up all the stuff I had eaten before going to bed. I tried my best to will it away as I approached the house phone to check voicemail, which reported two messages left. I lazily played the first one as I stretched my neck.

"Hey, Levi! How are you doing, buddy?"

"Fuck," I flinched. It was Erwin. My heartbeat increased unexpectedly as the message kept going.

"Listen, I'm going in late to work today, like... two hours later. So you won't see me until 10.00 am. And... um, I wanted to ask you... how about having lunch together? I just discovered a new place next to our office; I've heard they cook some hella good pizza. So... um... would you like that? Don't worry if that's a problem for you... I mean, it's normal to feel like... y'know... yeah. So yeah- I mean... yeah. Lemme know if it's okay for you."

The message stopped abruptly to reveal the second one. I was surprised about Erwin's behavior: he was always so confident and breezy. It was unusual to hear him stutter like that. Caught by suspiciousness, I returned my attention to the other message.

"Hi, Levi," a soft voice started.

"... Mom... " I whispered, my body losing all the few strength left.

"Well... it's four months now. Four months since you're away. Please, Levi... at least try to talk to me. I- I don't understand what I did wrong," her voice cracked at the last sentence "Please... tell me where you're hiding. It's not what you think: I care about you, I swear. I'm so worried. Try to put yourself in my shoes, Levi. Try to understand."

"I am not the one who has to understand!" I shouted instinctively, muting the voicemail.

I stayed there, in front of the phone, panting in both rage and regret.

It hurt. It hurt like hell to feel like this.

"Well... I guess today's gonna be another amazingly shitty day," I smiled bitterly as I moved to the kitchen to get myself some fresh water. No breakfast that morning.