j o u s k a

o n e

c h a p t e r o ne

j o u s k a

  e m y l u s . s e i p e l

he thinks that faith might be dead
nothing kills man faster than his own head
he used to see dreams at night
but now he's just watching the backs of his eyes

Twenty One Pilots - Trapdoor
----- begin -----
humans are disgusting. that's why I find them so interesting. they like to manipulate the reality of things to fit what they deem as either 'perfectly good' or 'perfectly dramatic'.

I'm fairly certain that's what was happening with the woman seated in the table in front of me. she was explaining to a waiter how she 'saved her husband from treachery'. I doubt anything other than the fact that he was now rotting away in a long-forgotten coffin six feet under the ground was correctly detailed for all the people attempting at enjoying themselves to hear. it repulsed me, the way she spoke, and all I could do was drown it out. it didn't work. she struck me as the type of the person that had the sickly-sweet personality, and the sticky persuasiveness that got everyone to listen to her and shut up.

most people think that watching, or, in my case, listening to, someone without them knowing is disgusting and strange. I say that it's perfectly natural to take interest in different types of people. they disagree.

I can feel someone staring, but I don't mind. I just make sure they don't know that I know. just from this person's gaze on the back of my head, I sense they have green eyes. I've always wanted green eyes. green eyes can either reflect emotion clearly, or be apathetic all around. I can't tell what their eyes are like. I don't like that. not at all. it makes my stomach twist and turn, my insides feeling like constricting snakes, curling and choking me. it makes my fingers curl and uncurl, shake and twitch, and my eyes go blank. if someone were sitting facing me, they'd probably think I was mental.

but i'm not mental. just special, as my mother says. she thinks it's good; everyone else is scared of it. of course, they don't have to be okay with difference. they can be stuck-up pricks while everyone else varies. their choice, not mine.

I can hear the faint buzzing of a voice, but ignore it, my eyes shifting around in the dim lighting and shadows of the diner. after all, what's the point of listening to someone that will just end up wasting your time? there isn't one, really. just the sad second-hand embarrassment of listening to them trying to become less antisocial. I didn't like that.

the buzzing disappears, but is replaced by a hand on my arm. that was crossing the line. as if it had a mind of its own, my arm jerks backward and I turn to face the invader. I can't see them, but I can tell it's the same person that was watching me from before. they seem like the type of person that knows no boundaries, but is tolerable. I might be wrong, but that's alright.

"Are you alright? You seem upset," the person says faintly, the ringing in my ears almost drowning out their voice completely. what a shame it was. this person had a beautiful voice, one made of torn cotton and frayed silk string. it had a tang to it, like honey, but sweeter. no, it was more like... agave. no, that was wrong as well. ignore their voice, just smile and nod, smile and nod. oops. the smile was crooked and forced. the nod hesitant and slow. i wasn't fooling anyone, not even myself. "Yes. Er... I think so, yes." a voice sounds. it takes me a minute to recognize it as my own. compared to theirs, mine was scratchy and off-key. normally it sounded rich and dark, like the coffee I drank. not today.

"No, no, no, you're not. I don't even know you and it's easy to see." The person says with a scowl in their voice, shaking their head near-silently. through the darkness, I could just barely see the outline of their body. they were small, not much taller than, let's say, 5"5. they seemed to be female, like myself. "How do you know that? You don't know my life the way you know my face." they seemed absolutely stunned at that. good.

they turn away, and for a moment I believe they're finally leaving me be. I was wrong. moments later, they arrive back at the table I was sat at and slides into the seat across from me. "Now, then, I'd like to know what's bothering you, Miss There's-nothing-wrong-with-my-obviously-troubled-soul." now I was stunned. they were so rude! of course, I couldn't really speak, but that didn't bother me.

"No, first you tell me your name. I refuse to speak otherwise." I cross my arms, stubbornness etched all over my face. a sigh and a groan tell me that they're reluctant to speak. "The name is Truce Austin." I decide immediately that their name is the most beautiful one I have ever heard. it rolls perfectly off the tongue, and makes me subconsciously half-smile. god, I'm such a dork. I probably look stupid.

they extend their hand expectantly, waiting for me to accept it. it took me a minute to assess correctly where the waiting hand was. I take it after about a minute, introducing myself as well. "Well, Truce, my name is Emylus Seipel, and I'm terribly troubled by this exchange." I shake the hand, and let go, honestly feeling quite terrible for what I said. I shrug it off. and, oh, my name seemed so hideous compared to theirs. mine didn't naturally pour out; it was kicked over in order to seem relatively natural. but, I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I hear a gasp. they seem to be in awe of something, and I clear my throat uncomfortably. I couldn't see what they were staring at, so I had no way of knowing whether it was at me or something, maybe someone, else. it made me all twitchy and jumpy, nervous about what the words that spilled out of their mouth would form.

"Y-you're blind, aren't you?"

my heart almost burst out of my chest, and my stomach dropped to my feet. my head hung down so low, my shortly cropped hair almost touched the coffee in my mug. I was hoping I could get to know them some before they found out. my plan didn't work. the invisible world around me seemed to collapse, and my hands begin burning and shaking feverishly. no, no, no, this wasn't how they were supposed to find out. it broke the system. it broke me.

-----

A/N

Hey guys! I'm so sorry for this chapter being short. The rest will be as long as I can make them without dragging on and becoming awkward, so I can promise that there won't be any five minute long chapters.

So, anyways, until further notice, I'm looking for someone to do the cover art for me. That is, if I don't get off my lazy arse and decide to do the art. Just leave an offer either in the comments or on my Instagram, which is bitch.imightbee.

                                              xof