Castaway ۞

*5*

There was only 3 years between me and Grace. She was older. The only planned sibling you could say. We were inseparable. She persuaded me to get my first tattoo. She did that quite often. She had this way about her, mum used to say she could make a blind man see if she tried hard enough. We would spend hours as children, drawing and colouring.

One time she got these new pens and I let her try them out on me. She drew this beautiful piece of art on my leg. It wasn't till that night when I we were having our bath that we found out the pens were permanent markers. I swear mum scrubbed my leg for days to no avail. Even a month later when I was doing p.e you could see traces of the ink on my skin. I think that's when she decided she wanted to be a tattoo artist.

By 20 she was covered in the things. Dad sometimes jokes that it could have been all the ink in her blood that caused all her health problems. Every time he did I would roll my eyes and start another argument on why he shouldn't joke about it.

She went on to do an A level in art and soon enough she opened up her own little shop, got all the equipment she needed and she was off. A proper little business woman, our Grace. Who would have thought.

When she was 4 months away from her 21st birthday she was rushed into hospital with pneumonia. We also found out that day, that she had severe depression and was self harming on a very regular basis. She spent weeks and months in a hospital bed in a stable condition. She came home 2 months before her birthday. Our parents got her a councillor, gave her anything she would need to recover.

I didn't work.

On the 28th of June 2009, Grace Bexley Brown attempted to hang herself.

I was asleep in the next room and heard the loud bang of the chair. The rest is a blur. I remember going in and screaming for my parents. I tried to untie the rope. Her body fell to the floor and my dad took over. I only remember my mother's arms around my shaking body.

She stayed on life support until 11:45 pm on the 19 of August. 25 minutes before her 21st birthday. Ultimately it was what she wanted, for her life to be over.

I had lost everything. My rock, my best friend, my sister.

I stopped going to school. I would go days without eating or leaving my bed unless it was to go to the toilet. I would shower no more than once a week. I couldn't sleep, whenever I closed my eyes I saw her face. Smiling and laughing. I started to blame myself, as my parents did too.

Life changed so much. Mum and dad got a divorce. No one smiled, laughed or even spoke above a whisper. I deleted a my social media's. I couldn't deal with the constant "I'm sorry" and "she's in a better place"

I just wanted her to come back and hug me until the pain went away.

It eventually did. Mum got remarried to a man called Jimmy. They had another baby, a little boy. Dad also found his soul mate. To all of our surprise he eloped with a man called Robin. They were very happy together. I got on with both Jimmy and Robin reasonably well.

I got into an online college majoring in photography. I started going out more. I got myself new friends.

It's been just over a year since we turned off the life support for Grace. It never stopped hurting, we just all found ways to make our self's better. For Grace.

I was put on many medications to help me sleep and another one every morning to get rid of the sleepy feeling. Dad and Robin say i only take the two of them because im a secret drug addict. They like to joke and I like to joke with them. I missed the way dad was before Grace died, but Im happy he finally got to be with Robin.

Mom doesnt work such long shifts since Grayson was born. Said she wanted to be around more because you never know when something could happen to any of us.

Grayson. Born 4th January 2010. Named after Grace. Obviously. He likes to think the small "G" tattood on my wrist is for him, its not.