Just South of Knowing Why

Chapter 3

I WAS just staring at my room's ceiling, napangiti ako ng maalala ko kung kailan kami nagkakilala ni Nathan. It happened 5 years ago, outside a coffee shop, it was a secluded place which is really weird because the place is located in metro, I love being there kasi tahimik, I always find my peace.

5 years ago, I've given up in life. That I'd never find my sister again, I'll never get my father's approval again. He will never recognize me.

6 years ago, he brought a girl and he said that she is my long lost sister, I was too young and dumb so I believed in him, that was the very first time that he talked to me without loathe. I was happy.

She was the fifth girl that he brought and I really thought that she is the one we've been looking for. I was happy, I was hoping that my dad will stay with me. That he will finally be a dad to me. That he'll not be gone for months just to find my sister because she is already found.

I learned to love that girl, my own guilt is eating me and I was desperate to bring my sister back that I was willing to give everything I have to make amends of the years we've lost because of my own fault, I also wanted to be on my dad's good side but it never happened.

Mali ako. Dahil katulad ng apat na babaeng nauna, isa din sya sa mga opportunista na nagpanggap na kapatid ko para makapagnakaw at makakuha ng pera.

I lost the will to live and that's where I found Nate. Ang sabi nya noon saakin, iniwanan sya ng taong mahalaga sakanya, pumunta sa ibang bansa ng hindi man lamang nagpapaalam. Naaawa ako sakanya noon pero wala naman dapat akong pakialam. Kasi kung gusto kong maging matatag, hindi ko dapat pinapakita  sa ibang tao na mahina ako dahil ginagawa nila yung dahilan para masaktan ako.

Pinunasan ko yung luhang tumulo sa aking mga mata, my heart still aches for the Hillary 5 years ago. To the 15 year old girl who became strong because there is no one to lean on to, to the girl who thought she lost everything when she don't have anyone to begin with.

What does it feel like to be loved? Bakit lahat ng mahal ko kailangan kong ipaglaban? Bakit kailangan kong ipagpilitan yung sarili ko palagi?

Nate... Mahal nya naman ako diba? He makes me feel special. He's always there. He loves me. I know he does. He's not like dad. He is nothing like dad.

Wrap your heads, Hill. We have a game to win over.

I'm thinking of what I would need do to make Nate realize that he loves me. Dati kasi kuntento na ko na iba yung trato nya sakin sa ibang babae, pero ngayon, I'm becoming selfish. I want the label, that's what missing from us anyway, I want him mine, officially.. Alam kong takot sya dahil sa iniwan sya ng ex nya pero 5 years na nakakalipas, napakaimposible naman na hindi nya pa limot yung taong yun. Di naman siguro Dyosa at for sure mas maganda ako dun. Nate just needs a little push.

But what should I do then? How would I do that?

I grabbed my phone and I was about to post my selfie on IG when something crazy crossed my mind and smirked on that thought. Lists. I needed to list down things that I would need to do to make him realize that he needs me too. If that girl really loves Nate, she will not let him feel unwanted, she will not leave him but she did, she left without saying anything. She lost her chance and even if she comes back now I know that Nate will choose me but I need to be sure.. Nate have to realize that he needs me. I will give that girl a goddamn fight, I know that it's not me who's gonna end up crying and will flew back to states. Kung kailangan ko syang palipadin, gagawin ko. Mawala lang sya sa landas namin.

I grabbed a pen and paper and every thoughts flows like water through mind as write it in

"Getting out of Friendzone"

1. Figure out why he can't like you
2. Make them see you
3. A physical contact is a must
4. Compliment them
5. Have a little competition
6. Make them miss you
7. Surprise them
8. Act like you guys are in a relationship.
9. Show him how you feel
10. Tell him how you feel

I smirked. Let's get it on baby.

"Hill, nababaliw kana ba?" Napatingin ako sa nagsalita.

Nanahimik ako dito sa park malapit sa building ng college ko para lang matakasan sya ngayong araw tapos hahanapin nya ko? Mahal ko sya pero nakakabwisit pa din yung ginawa nya kagabi sakin!

"Pwede ba Nate! Ang aga pa para mambwisit." Saad ko na sinabayan ko ng ingos.

"Para ka kasing nababaliw eh. Kanina ka pa nakangiti. Siguro iniisip mo ko 'no?" At sinampayan na naman nya ng kamay nya mga kaibigan. Lalo tuloy namula pisngi ko.

Naalala ko na naman yung iniisip ko. Yung list.. Yeah I have a list now but I don't know if I have the courage to do it, sinapian ata ako kagabi kaya ko nagawa yun. I held my temple, ang sakit sa ulo. Na lalo pang sumakit dahil pinitik nitong katabi ko.

"Ano ba kasing iniisip mo?" He nudge me. I just sighed.

"Nasaan sila?"

"Ako kasama mo tapos iba hinahanap mo?! Aba, di yata't sinasaktan mo puso ko!" He stomped his feet and sulk like a baby. He looks cute, oh damn, Nate! You don't know how you can affect me. Para akong hinihingal sa lakas ng tibok ng puso ko tapos nagwawala pa mga kulisap. Nate, Nate. Hay.

Tumayo na ko and I towered him, he's still sitting kasi. I don't know what has gotten into me but dammit I kissed him, yes I did! Sa cheeks lang but shocks! It's still a kiss! Sabay takbo ng mabilis naririnig ko pa yung tawag nya pero di ko na pinansin. Nahihiya ako. Wala na kong mukhang maihaharap sakanya, jusmiyo! Napasabunot na lang ako ng buhok. Arghh.

Ano bang iniisip mo, Hill? Dapat di ba galit ka pa sakanya kasi diba di ka sinipot kagabi? Parang wala ngang nangyari. Ni hindi man lang nagsorry. Sinabunutan ko ulit buhok ko. Ugh.

But then I remembered, I just did 2 and 3 unconsciously!

"2. Make them see you"

OMG! I bet I am giving him a countless of thoughts right now because of that goddamn kiss! I smirked at that thought.

"3. A physical contact is a must"

And 3! Obviously a kiss is a physical contact. I touched my lips and bit it suppressing my smile and remembering what had happened as well. Feels like I am in a cloud 9 right now. I'm jumping on cloud 9!

"You look radiant.. And can you please stop that?" Eros asked. My forehead creased. How did he got here without me noticing him? Was I daydreaming that long?

"Kanina ka pa? And stop what?" I asked him.

"That.. Touching your lips while biting it. You look so damn attractive.. Don't you know that?" He asked. I pouted. He said something but I didn't hear it, sinadya nyang hinaan. Tch.

"Damn!" Sinabunutan nya yung buhok nya. Ano nangyari dito? Nababaliw na ata? Mas malala pa yata sakin si Eros ? I laughed at that thought. Ang cute nya, gusto ko syang gawing keychain.

"You're making this hard for me." Saad nya pagkatapos umalis. Iniwan ako dito. Magkaibigan nga sila ni Nate, parehas may sapak.

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Unedited, forgive my grammatical errors and/or misspelled words if there is. Thanks for reading!

-RoanneXYZ 💕