When seven becomes eight

A long story

"So about two years ago my mother felt strong pains in her knees and when we went to the doctor, he could only say, "Well, that's arthritis and we can't cure it." He pretty much left us with that and a ridiculous amount of money in his pocket.

At first everything was still pretty fine. We could borrow a wheelchair for her and we could still go everywhere we wanted. Of course we made minor adjustments, but nothing we couldn't manage. My mother still felt independant and pretty good for most of the days. It was to be expected that she would have lesser days in which she'd have to lie down and rest, but still we managed and she, most importantly, managed as well.

Then a few months after, she had a heart attack. A bloodclot was stuck in her veins and wasn't going to get away by itself. In an attempt to save her life the doctors paralised her from the collarbones down. She can barely use her arms, so you can definitely say that she is pretty fucked. She couldn't leave the bed, couldn't make her famous pancakes in the morning, couldn't even go to the toilet.

Suddenly all that freedom and life-lust was gone, together with her husband, because my dad is a lazy piece of shit. He never really cared about her, only about that she cooked, washed and fulfilled his needs. He had just used her, like you would a toy; you make it do what you want and if it doesn't, you throw it away. He still dares to claim that he didn't do much wrong and that he would change. Huh, as if he would care about me afterwards. He would probably just scold me for going to the bank at that hour and give me house arrest for about a week.

When my mother became bedridden, he started "working late" nearly every single day, like he wouldn't expect me to find out what he was doing. He rented hotelrooms for single nights and somehow they were always booked for two. Leaving me and my mother alone, to just play around getting his wood wet, that was low, that was more heartbreaking than anything I had been through before that, which is also not a small story to be honest.

At the age of five I found out I was supposed to have a brother, an oppa to look up to, an oppa that would comfort me like brothers do. However, he passed away from faecal poisoning at birth, leaving my mother scared to death and broken to the ground, and my dad only more eager to push his stick in my mother. My mother had told him that she wasn't in for another child and pushed his lust aside, however, I think I made a pretty good image of my father before. He went for it anyway and there I was. Wish he had listened to my mother on this one though...

After this shock of my birth story, which I didn't completely understand at the time, I went to school just fine. The first few years were rather enjoyable and I had some good friends, or at least I thought so. Then I entered the popular side of the scale. Still pretty okay for the first few months, I gathered friends fast and felt on top of the world. I was a fast learner and a good one; high grades rolled out faster than tests and no single teacher thought bad of me. At this time I was pretty much the most popular nerd out of the class and that felt so good. I felt so good.

Then I became friends with the most popular girl in class. She was absolutely gorgeous, so I felt pretty honoured to be her friend. Sadly, she wasn't as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. After some time I found out she was using me for anything she set her, or better said my, heart to. I never realised how much I did and didn't do in her name. I made her homework, told her friends what she wanted me to say to them, but most awfully, I let her control who I saw as friends. She broke me away from all the people that meant most to me and as soon as I figured that out, I immediately quit our friendship. I wish I hadn't noticed though, as she continued by ruining everything I enjoyed and everyone I loved.

She first set off to ruin my pleasures, all that I liked, all that I got energy from. My violin ended in the trash, together with my drawings and stories. I had never felt so purposeless before, but then she targeted all those I loved. She knew exactly how to convince all my friends that I was the villian in the story and my parents were already not fond of me to start with, so she didn't have to deal with them. Today she completed the goal of isolating me for as far as she can can go. None of my previous friends don't think bad of me anymore, neither of my teachers believes my effort anymore either.

Luckily Kyung never left my side, even though I have pushed him away incredibly hard. He never strayed away from me, never left me, never mistreated me, for which I am more than grateful.

Actually the only reason I have not tried to go away is him. He hurts if he sees me in pain, which would definitely happen considering Zico calls the shots, so I didn't want him to have to go through that. If you think that I am just saying this, you are so wrong. Kyung means more to me than life, he is not just someone who stayed with me during hardships. He saved my life and I saved his, that builds a bond stronger than any other.

Kyung always helped me when I felt down, he was always there for me when I cried and never failed to cheer me up. You will never fully understand what he means to me, unless you know me fully. With him at my side I'll never be truly lonely, I'll never be completely lost.

I'm used to feeling alone, so I don't need anyone to be honest. To be completely true, I don't want that many either. I'm good the way it went, I don't need anyone but Kyung in my life. However, I would like you to take care of my mother. She needs food and someone to clean her and because you helped me off of that duty, now you can do that. It is not much, but I don't want her to starve. She doesn't have much life left in her, but I don't want her to die because of you. I'll do something in return, I swear, but just help her."