Finding love janoskian selfharm story

The dream

After talking to luke i felt a little bit of reality setting in. maybe i should move on but who would like someone like me? A depressed girl who cuts herself and dream of being rapped by her dad. I'm so fucked up I mean I was lucky to even get Roi and now he is gone. How could my life get any worse. after thinking i climbed out of bed and went over to the bathroom for a shower once i got out there was a blade on the bathroom sink i picked it up I had to get my mind off of things so i cut only 5 times each cut made me relax a little after i cleaned up I walked into my room where there was breakfast I then took my phone that had a text from luke it read

from:luke

Angel, me and the boys are going to the gym we will be back in a bit but I cooked you something incase you are hungry

I then put my phone down not responding to his text because i didn't want to disturb him. After i ate my breakfast i went down to the kitchen and washed the plate that i ate off and put it up then i walked back up the steps and went to sleep I felt something on the side of me so i slowly opened my eyes to see what it was i saw luke he was sitting beside me

"Hey"he spoke

"Hi, you and the guys are done?"i asked

"Yeah but they left and went to see a movie"

"Oh so just you and me huh"

"haha yeah"he said with a smile he then turned on the tv and we watched a movie

"I took your advice and started to look for a girl"luke blurted out as i smiled and picked my head up off of his chest

"Oh yeah? You found or thinkin of anyone"i asked

"Yeah"

"Oh yeah what's her name"i smiled and pushed his shoulder

"I will describe her for you"he told me

"okay"

"She is 17, she has long black hair, she is skinny, she just moved to L.A, she is the nicest person i have ever met and she have light green eyes"i smiled and laughed because i knew he was talking about me

"Oh really so whats her name again"i asked with a smile he smiled and leaned close to me

"Angel"he bit his lip then leaned in to kiss me he held my neck and my hand that was on the bed then i felt something tickling me and i opened my eyes because they were closed from kissing luke once i opened them i saw Daniel dangling a feather above my face then i realized that me kissing luke was a dream

"Haha finally you woke up"Daniel said i smiled then i saw luke and my heart jumped

Daniel left out of the room when he saw beau and jai with beers. I felt so awkward with luke In the room with me he would hate me if I told him that i had a dream that we kissed

"Had a good sleep?"he asked I didn't know what to say

"No"i said

"Why? Not another dream of your dad"he asked

"No"

"Then what? You could tell me"he said getting closer i scooted away

"Look i don't wanna talk about it"i told him

he looked confused and worried

"Okay well do you wanna go to the club with me and the guys"he asked i wanted to go but not with luke I feel stupid why did i have that dumb dream and what kills me most is i really loved the kiss

"No i cant"i lied

"Why not?"

"I want to sleep haha"i let out a fake laugh he did as well

"Well if you change your mind tell me"he walked out of the room i exhaled. that was close but what if he find out. He will think why is this shithole dreaming about me, i dont like her! Ugh im driving myself crazy but I cant tell him

THAT NIGHT

LUKES P.O.V

I wonder whats up with Angel she wouldn't tell me about her dream she seemed like she didn't want to be around me and she didn't want to go to the club. We had a great time everyone drunk but Daniel drunk a little to much but I think Angel is hiding something from me and i just want to know

......

Me and the boys were all on the couch watching mtv when i saw Angel at the top of the stairs. She looked at me, I smiled she just turned around and left. I got up and followed her up to her room to see what was up with her. I knocked on her door

"Who is it?"i heard her ask

"Luke"i answered but she said nothing i walked in

"Whats up"I asked and walked over to her and sat next to her on her bed

"Nothing"she scooted away from me

"Okay whats up with you?"i asked getting a little frustrated

"Nothing"

"I can clearly see that theres something up now tell me" i told her

"I can't"she started to cry i felt horrible i went to hug her but she stood up

"YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK IT DONT FUCKING TELL ME!"I shouted and left

ANGELS P.O.V

luke shouted at me and left after i was being bitchy i dont blame him but I cant tell him. I cried i went in my dresser and pulled a blade out of my razor bag i sat on my bed and started to make cuts. Then i saw luke walk into my room

LUKES P.O.V

i felt so bad for screaming at Angel because whatever it is she isent telling me must be really hard on her so i decided to go back and apologize. I walked in without a knock because i was afraid if I did she wouldn't answer

"Angel" i said walking in then i saw her on the edge of her bed drenched in tears with a razor blade in her hand and little scratches on her arm with blood dripping from them i was in shock and without thinking i reacted

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?"i felt bad immediately after i said it did i cause her to do this? I felt so bad why did i have to yell at her she might do more. How did i not notice unless she just started

"Luke..i" She barley made out I ran over to her took the razor blade from her and gave her a hug she cried into my sholder

"Im sorry dont cry, i didn't mean to yell, i just came to apologize"

"I have something to tell you luke"she told me i looked up at her

"yeah"

"I was scared to tell you that i had a dream of us kissing and i didn't want to tell you because im afraid you would hate me"she cried out

"I dont hate you i think its cute and sweet"i told her

"Really"she sniffed

"Yeah and you dont ever have to be afraid to tell me anything, ever"i told her and gave her another hug she feel asleep on my chest and i kissed her forehead what was i going to do about all of this