Half A Heart

Chapter 18 - Taylor

His lips meld against mine perfectly, just like I remember. I can't help but feel the butterflies in the pit of my stomach, along with the fireworks going off behind my eyelids. His hands move from my face to my hips and I can't help but instantly wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. 

I sigh in bliss as his fingers strace over my hips like he always used to...it still drives me crazy. My fingers run through his already messy hair, probably messing it up even more. His tongue melds against mine, massaging them together. I moan slightly as his fingers press against my hip bones, causing me to rock into him slighty. He moans as well before breaking our kiss, dropping his hands from my body and looking into my blue eyes. 

"Thank you," he breathes out and I look up at him, not able to say anything. I'm in shock and awe. I just kissed Louis...and there was more than there ever was. That kiss was something else...something I would usually have with Harry. But it was with Louis...

I just cheated on Harry. Oh god, he's going to hate me so much...he's going to think I'm a whore like everyone says I am. It's all over Twitter...the hate is blowing up. He might start believing it when he finds out. If he finds out...

What the hell is wrong with me? I have to tell him...a good relationship is an honest relationship. I have to tell him...it's the right thing to do. Even if I lose him over this, at least he'll know.

"I-I have to go," I stammer, standing up and rushing past my ex and inside. I rush into the arena and spot Harry straight away. I rush up to him and he smiles, but it instantly fades when he sees my expression.

"Tay? What's up?" He asks, concern written all over his features as he cups my face.

"I-I have to go," I stammer, biting my lip. "Selena needs me." I lie.

"Oh, okay," he says, looking kind of disappointed. "See you later?"

"Dinner tonight?" I ask "My place?"

"You bet," he says, smiling. "See you."

I plant a kiss on his lips, making sure it's sweet and passionate before pulling back and pressing my forehead against his. "I love you," I whisper and his eyes widen before he pulls me in by my waist and kisses me deeply again. The fireworks are there, like they always are, but this time they just remind me of Louis...

I pull back and smile. "See you tonight," I say before turning on my heel and rushing away, wiping the tears that have already fallen down my face. I exit the arena, rushing to the road to hail a cab. I hide my face from the paparazzi as I enter the cab. No way can they see me like this...it'd be bad publicity. 

I tell the cabbie to take me to my apartment and he obliges, not even asking if I'm okay. I can not believe I'm such a slut. Kissing two guys and not even telling my boyfriend. What the hell am I supposed to do? I'm going to lose Harry and I've already lost Louis thanks to management...and when Harry finds out that I felt somethign whilst kissing my ex, I'll lose him.

God, why did I agree to kissing Louis? I should have known something would have happened...but I didn't know that this would happen. I didn't know my feelings for Louis would resurface and take over my thoughts. Why did I even make him promise to move on? Why did I even kiss him? 

"We're here, ma'am," the cabbie says and I snap out of my thoughts to pay him. I look outside and see my fans, screaming and I sigh, wiping my eyes and putting on a smile before exiting the yellow taxi. 

I walk up to my fans and start signing and taking photos with them, but a scream makes me freeze.

'You slut!' 

I look around, trying to spot the girl who screamed it and I spot her as she yells more hateful things at me. My eyes start to water at her next statement.

'You can't just fuck all of One Direction!' 

I shake my head, rushing inside as I wipe my tears from my cheeks. I press the call button for the elevator at least twenty times, trying to get away from the screaming girls outside. The elevator doors finally open, letting my neighbour out of the doors. I try and smile at her but it probably looks like a grimace as I enter the elevator, pressing my floor's button. I let the sobs rack my body, now that I have privacy, and my body shakes vigorously. 

Why did she say those things? What did I do? How can people be so heartless and ignorant toward other people's feelings? And the fact that it sounds so true is what really gets me...

I know how bad it looks. I know I look like a slut, cycling through guys. I know I look like I'm faking half my relationships...but I was. Management set me up with the other guys. They broke me up with Louis and they set me up with Harry...the only two people I've loved and now I've thrown it out the window by kissing Louis. 

The elevator doors open and I quickly wipe my eyes before exiting, walking toward my apartment, grabbing the key out from under the doormat. I unlock my door, choking down sobs, my hands shaking. I finally open the door and burst inside, slamming my door and sliding down the inside of it. My knees find their way to my chest as I sob into my own torso.

How could I be so stupid? Letting Louis kiss me in public like that, right outside Madison Square. Oh my god...what if the paps got pictures? They couldn't have...there was no one around at the time that it happened. I couldn't see any paps...and I didn't hear or see any flashes. 

The knock on my door vibrates through my back and I gasp, standing up quickly and wiping my eyes. I look through the peep hole and back up instantly. No, no, no...he can't be here. He thinks I'm with Selena...did he follow me from the arena? Why would he? He has no reason to...we're in a good place. Except for the fact that I kissed Louis behind his back...

"Taylor, I know you're in there," his British accent sounds from the other side of the door and I sigh, opening it instantly. He looks at me with concern and tears come to my eyes again. He pulls me to his chest immediately and the sobs escape again. God, I'm such an idiot...I'm going to lose him. 

He strokes my hair softly as he closes the door behind him with his free hand. I pull back from out hug and turn away, wiping my eyes and sighing. 

"What's wrong, baby?" He asks, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck. I look at the ground before turning around in his arms, looking at him. 

"I-I'm a bad girlfriend," I sob and his eyes widen as he shakes his head. 

"Why on earth do you think that?" He asks and I step out of his arms, shaking my head again as more tears trail down my cheeks. 

"Because I'm unfaithful!" I yell at no one in particular. "I'm a slut just like everyone says I am!"

"Don't you dare listen to the hate!" He yells back and I sob again, my body shaking. I hug myself tightly, shaking my head.

"It's true!" I say through my tears, my voice wavering. "I've dated so many guys, and now I'm cycling through your band!"

"You were forced to date those guys! And you're not cycling through my band! You loved Louis a long time ago, now you love me...what's so wrong about that?" He asks, his voice going softer toward the end.

"Louis kissed me today," I whisper, but he didn't hear me properly, as his expression shows confusion.

"What was that?" He asked and I look up toward the ceiling, blinking back my tears and I sigh.

"I'll try not to listen to the hate," I say, keeping the secret from him.

He won't find out...he never will.