his name is carl

She's Dead (Read Author's Notes)

We're both leaned up against a wall.
His legs are stretched out, while mine are brought up to my chest.
We laugh about recalled stories of our childhood.
It feels nice, to talk to someone other than my little siblings.
People at school are okay, but I mostly avoid any friendship ever. Our laughter dies out, until I say his name again.

Carl.
It seems strange saying his name, and how foreign it sounds on my tongue.
When his sister had left with the children, he stayed with me.
We talked about our situations. While he's talking, I look at his plump lips, and his eyes. His bony arms and dark hair.
He can tell I'm staring, and he returns the favor. I put a stop to my staring, and look down. Once I look up, he's already staring, and shines me a smile of a million moons. I ruin the moment, not used to this affection.

Shouldn't you be checking up on your mom? I ask, twirling my already curly hair.
He looks down.
He hesitates as he says,
She was a shitty mother with good intentions, and now she's dead.
I'm sorry, I murmur.
A few minutes pass by.
I quickly take out my phone, and check the time displayed on my screen. It read:

11:11

I smile to myself.
When other people would post on their Snapchat stories, with the time and their caption, "@ Him", with a possible heart emoji. I never got it, the feeling of craving that certain person, at a certain time. But now I do, and he's right next to me.

I should get going, I say.
Me too, he says.
I look at him for one more moment, and then get up and dust myself off.
It's awkward, us walking together.

Hey, can I have your number? I ask as we are nearing one of the many waiting rooms.

Sure, he says.
We swap phones, and I quickly put in my number.
Good luck with your mom, I say, handing him back his phone.
You too, he says.

Suddenly my mom comes up and grips me at the arm, asking me where the hell I've been.
Her hair is a disheveled mess, and her eyes are puffy from crying. 
Her trembling voice manages to say, we have to say goodbye to her Ashley. Now.

I make a noise, right before I collapse to the floor. My mom let go before I fell, and kneeled down. She holds me while I sob. She quickly looks up, to see that Carl is still there.

Go away, boy, she says.

He complies, and I see a flash of sympathy in his eyes.
But I can't care, no I can't.
It hurts, so much, and I hold on to my chest tightly as my other holds onto my mom. I feel like I can't breathe, which only makes me cough.
My beautiful sister, who had yet had so much to live for, is leaving us.
Memories flash before my eyes. Just last week her toothless smile ran up to me, and showed me her artwork. She was so proud of it, and said,

One day I'm gonna be a painter, and I'll buy mommy a thousand flowers because she loves them. Oh, and also a new house.
I tickled her after that, and her loud laughter filled the room. Iris' dark curls bounced as she laughed even harder.

no more
will I be able to ever hear her laughter.

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Authors Notes

I wanted to make this book more then just Ashley and Carl's relationship, which is currently blooming. I wanted to make also about grief, and the hardships about where they live. I'm sorry if my writing isn't all to good, for I'm still learning :) Please comment some constructive criticism below, I realllyyy need it!