Innocently Taken

Four

"I don't wanna go back to tour..." Ariana said as she laid her head on Mac's chest.

"Why not?"

"What if Ricky comes back?"

"He won't. Who sees a show more than once?"

Ariana looked at him. "You do. I do. A lot of people do."

"We go to each other's concerts. We get in for free."

"So? Ricky has the money. He can go to multiple shows. I don't want to be anywhere near him."

"Talk to me."

"I am talking to you."

"No. Really talk. Tell me what you're scared of."

Ariana stayed quiet for a few seconds before sitting up and sighing. "What do you wanna know?"

"Everything."

"Okay, um... after Sean and I broke up, I started hanging out with Ricky a lot more. He asked me if I wanted to feel better and I said yes because I didn't know the context. He started feeling me up and I told him I couldn't and he left it alone for a really long time. He um... he started getting really frustrated with me but said it was fine. And then one day he came home... happy. Glowing."

"He cheated."

Ariana nodded. "Yeah. And I forgave him. And soon enough he was happy every day. I knew he was getting his fix somewhere. I just didn't know where. I still don't know. But uh... he started getting physical with me. At first it was a shove here and there. Then it was a smack to the face... that went to grabbing me and shoving me against walls, throwing me across the floor, pushing me down the stairs... and then he..." Ariana stopped, sniffling.

"What, baby?"

"Um... I lied to you..."

"About what?"

"About never doing anything sexual."

"So you're not a virgin?"

"I am. But... I've done stuff... I had to."

"He made you?"

Ariana nodded. "I um... he guilt tripped me. And I let him get me off. Kind of, I mean, I never really... got there. I faked it. I got really close sometimes."

"Okay."

"Um... he finally had enough of it and... he tried to convince me to sleep with him. I told him I didn't want to go all the way, I wasn't ready. Liz was staying with me that night and she heard me screaming and crying. She went upstairs and got him off of me and took me to her moms house because it was the only place he didn't know to look for me to drag me home and rape me..."

Mac pulled her to him, kissing her head. "I'm sorry, baby..."

"Promise me you'll never do that to me..." she whispered, sniffling.

"Never. I promise. I'll never hurt you the way he did."

Ariana repositioned herself so she was laying back down and she sobbed into her chest. "I'm terrified of everything... I just wanna be normal. I'm scared of sex... I'm scared of everything..."

"Baby, we have to get you into the mental health clinic."

"I'm not crazy!"

"I know you aren't. But they can evaluate you and tell you what methods will work for you. There's something serious going on in your head and it's scary."

"I don't want anything to be wrong with me..."

"What bothers you the most?"

"Everything... I would gladly jump out of a plane right now, but just the idea of having sex with my own boyfriend terrifies me and disgusts me with a passion and I don't want to feel like that. I want to be able to have sex, I want to be able to fool around with you, I want to be able to get you there. Not once has I ever given you an orgasm, but you've given me several and now the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't understand..."

"You were reminded of something traumatic. We don't have to have sex. I don't care about that. I want you to feel good about yourself, sexual and not sexual. Sex is not important enough for me to not stay with you. I'm not shallow like that."

"But you like it."

"Yeah. I like sex, but it's something I can live without. If it makes you uncomfortable then we don't have to do anything. We don't even have to kiss if it bothers you that much."

Ariana sniffled and cuddled into him a little more. "It just... sucks that I can't even let my own boyfriend make me feel good."

"We're going to figure it out, baby. I promise."