Innocently Taken

Five

"Therapy?" Frankie asked. "Why?"

"Because there's something wrong with me. I need to get it figured out," Ariana said.

"There's nothing wrong with you," Liz said.

"Yeah, you just have some obstacles," Jennette said.

"Obstacles that require therapy. I can't have sex. It's not something that I have to have in my life but it's something I'd like to enjoy and not be scared of," Ariana said. "It's important to me that I get over the fear of it."

"You wouldn't even have that fear of Ricky had respected your wishes," Frankie said.

"I know that. I had a panic attack at my last concert because he was there. I saw him in the audience and as soon as the concert was done I was throwing up because I was so scared that he would try to come backstage. I don't want to feel like that anymore. I wanna be comfortable."

"And we want you to be comfortable. But what if there's something more and a therapist finds that out?"

"Then I can get it taken care of. This is something I need to do. If I don't do it now then I never will and I want to get better. I want to enjoy my life, I'm tired of being scared of things."

"Sex isn't what makes you a person," Jennette said.

"But it is what makes you a mom. I want kids... I can't have kids if I don't have sex and I'm too scared to."

"You can adopt," Frankie said.

"That might be okay with you but it's not for me. I want to actually get pregnant, I want to carry and grow my baby and feel it kick and go through labor and give birth and put in the effort with contractions and pushing. If I could choose right now between my career and having a baby, I would choose a baby. That is a major goal for me right now."

"You're twenty three, you have time to have kids."

"Frankie!" Ariana whined. "I know that, okay? I want to be young when I have my babies. I don't want to wait until I'm in my thirties, I wanted to start a family by the time I was twenty one, I'm two years late."

"You will have babies. In your own time."

"That's not good enough for me. Kids is my ultimate goal. That's something that I need to do for myself. With Malcolm.

"What if he doesn't want kids?"

Ariana stayed silent for a few seconds. "Then we have a lot to talk about.

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Ariana let out a small breath, her leg bouncing up and down as her therapist sat across from her.

"It's nice to meet you," the therapist said. "I'm Dr. Stern. I understand you have a little bit of anxiety."

"I have a lot of anxiety."

"What about?"

"Everything. What I'm going to wear, what I should eat, who's going to house sit when I leave for Europe."

"You're going to Europe?"

Ariana nodded. "I have a tour."

"That sounds like fun."

"It is."

"But I bet it's also stressful."

Ariana nodded again. "Yeah... I try so hard to please my fans. It gets tiring, but... it's worth it."

"Maybe you should focus on making yourself happy instead."

"I'm happy. But... my fans mean the world to me. They're my... babies..." her voice trailed.

Dr. Stern looked at her for a few seconds. "Do you have kids?"

"No."

"Did you maybe... lose a baby?"

Ariana shook her head. "No... I'm a virgin. But... kids is a really big goal. I'm just... too scared to do it."

"To have kids?"

"To have sex."

Dr. Stern nodded. "I see. Why is that?"

"I um... My ex boyfriend tried to rape me at one point. Now I'm too scared to sleep with my current boyfriend, and it sucks... I just want a family, and I can't do that."

"Have you tried to have sex?"

"Not in so many words..."

"Have you ever had an orgasm?"

Ariana nodded. "Yeah. A couple."

"Was that by your boyfriend or yourself?"

"My boyfriend."

"Are you comfortable with him?"

"Yeah."

"When do you find that you freeze up?"

"Um..." Ariana stayed quiet for a few seconds.

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Miss Grande."

"It's just... I don't talk about this stuff unless it's to my best friends or my brother..."

"We have a doctor patient confidentiality clause. Anything said in this room stays in this room."

"Okay..."

"When do you find that you freeze up?"

"Usually when we get right down to it... I'm fine through foreplay, but... he asks me if I'm ready, and every single time, I'm not ready."

"You'll be ready eventually. You just have to keep trying."

Ariana sighed. "All I do is try..."