His Human Mate

/8/

Today is the day of the funeral for the family that the rogues killed.
Apollo seems really down in the dumps, and I feel really bad for him. This is his pack to look after and protect, and some of his pack members being killed under his rule doesn't sit very well with him.

After his shower, Apollo walks into the room dressed in the suit I've picked out for him to wear.

We haven't had a real conversation today, just a few mumbled responses, but I feel like I should just let him cope how he wants to, because honestly, I don't know him very well and I don't know what he does to deal with things like this. But I also feel like I should make it clear that he had no control over this.

"Apollo.." I start off, not quite knowing where to go.
He looks at me before pulling his jacket on and walking towards me. He turns me around gently and zips up the back of my dress. Once he is finished, I turn back around to face him.

"Are you okay?" I ask, grabbing his face with both hands. His unshaven hairs prickle my fingers. He simply nods.

"You know this isn't your fault right" I try again, using the most gentle voice I could muster up.

Apollo closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He then pulls me into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist.

"It is my fault. Well at least partially. This is my pack. I'm suppose to take care of it, and keep everyone safe. Everyone else is my first priority. What's the point of me being Alpha, if I can't find and get rid of a couple of rogues. Packs deal with rogues all the time. Maybe I'm just not fit to be Alpha." He rests his head in defeat on my shoulder.

That reminds me. Why isn't Ares Alpha anyway? But that is a conversation for another time. Right now I have to comfort my mate.

"No, Apollo, that isn't true. You're a great Alpha, and I bet you can get rid of these stupid rogues. This is nothing to beat yourself up about." I try to soothe him, but he pulls back abruptly.

"This is nothing to beat myself up about?!?!? What are you talking about? A whole innocent family died, and you're saying that I shouldn't beat myself up about it!!"

"That was a wrong choice of words, I-"

"Michelle, just please stop talking. I understand that you're trying to make it better, but you're not. It's okay. Maybe you should just stay here instead. Look over everyone who can't go for whatever reason. I'll talk to you when I get home."

I stare at him dumbfounded.

"Bu- but I just, I was just-"

Apollo puts up his hand as if to silence me, and I zip my lips.

He walks out of the room without another word. Leaving me in the middle of the room, my chest burning with hurt.

I only wanted to make things better for him, but instead I made it worse. I just couldn't do anything right. Not since I was a teenager. Everything I did was wrong, and I just couldn't help it. I couldn't help myself.

I was always going around fucking up the good things in my life. Every single thing. I could never just be happy.

I sat down on the bed as the silent tears started to roll.

"I'm sorry Apollo." I whisper to the air.
"I'm sorry everyone."

I take off my dress and pull my panties down to expose my hip.

I look down at the heart locket around my neck. My grandmother bought it for me when I was about 14. It was suppose to be used to hold a picture inside of it to look at every once in a while, but that's definitely not what I used it for.