Recovery - Justin Bieber

46. Chapter Shit! What have I done?

Justins POV  

I must have played through the whole night, it has become day again when I played the same song, what felt like the hundredth time. I opened my eyes when I just wanted to sing again, there was (Y/N) in the doorway, watching me.

She was sober, with a sleepy but clear view.  

“Sorry, I didn't wanted to wake you up.”

She shook her head and smiled at me with sad eyes.

“What time is it, do you have to go back to the office?”, I asked her gently. Again she shook her head. I was confused.

“Do you want me to leave?”, she asked with a trembling voice.

“Scooter will be surprised if you don't show up at work.”

“No, that's not what I meant. Do you want me to leave?”, she asked me repeatedly. Now I understand what she means.

“What? Why do you think such a thing?”

“The song. You've sung all night.” Tears filled her eyes, she came to the piano and leaned herself against it.

Although I wanted to but I have given up to start the attempt to take her into my arms. Too many times she has pushed me away, I can no longer endure this pain. I broke eye contact and looked at my fingers on the piano. I don't know what to do.  

“I messed it up...everything.”, she sighed and looked out the window behind me.

“I just don't know how to go on, I just don't know what I can do to help you.” I was too desperate. I don't wanna lose her.

“How long is that going to continue? I miss you, don't you see that, don't you understand?”, I asked her. She looked at her ring and smiled softly as the first tears rolled down her cheeks. She says nothing, as always.  

“(Y/N), please talk to me, let me know what you are thinking."

"The day when Vito was here...I pretended being strong, do you remember?", she said without looking at me. I nodded not sure if she saw it.

"I was so nervous, I mean few weeks before he was trying to kill me at the beach and later he almost killed you. I have almost peed in my panties. At that day something died in me.", she murmured and looked up at me. That's the first time that she talks about that situation and her feelings.

“ I was so impressed by you. You were so strong but on the other and you scared me.", I admit standing up. She just looked at me. Silence surrounded us.

“I was at a doctor.”

“Why?”, she asked, she looked surprised at me, if I had her brought out of her daydreams.

“Are you feeling bad?”, she asked. I shook my head and looked at the floor.

“It was a psychologist.”, I admited and looked hesitantly at her. She looked confused and her eyes formed to narrow slits. I immediately regretted that I did told it.

This is going to be hard now.

“He has helped me...I needed to talk to someone.”, I muttered.

“That means you've talked to him about us, about me.”, she noted. I could literally feel how she switched to defense. I answered with a simple yes. Anger rose in her. She went back a few steps and clenched her hands into fists.  

“You are no longer you yourself. (Y/N), I needed help, just like you need help.”  

“That's still my decision.”, she defened herself.