The General's Daughter

Chapter 21

Things were surprisingly normal after that. Papa had never really stopped working, but the boys went back to school, Mother resumed her normal activities, and everything just felt the same as it always had. I hadn't know what to expect after I'd accepted Alex, particularly because of the unconventional way it happened, but honestly nothing felt very different to me.

At the very least, I thought I would have to put up with having palace guards wherever I went or some other inconvenient security measure, but since I'd asked Alex to keep our engagement a secret for the time being, the only changes in security were the ones my father had already planned to make.

Sometimes it seemed as if everything that happened was a bizarre and vivid dream. But then I would remember the truth - I was engaged, technically if not officially, but I had actually agreed to marry Alex. I was going to marry the prince - the future High King. I would be Queen one day. At times the realization would hit me all over again and I would find it a little hard to breathe.

Change was inevitable now, of course, and I wondered how long I would be able to remain this way. Living a relatively normal and uncomplicated life. Living as my father's daughter rather than the future princess.

On the one hand, I was excited. I loved Alex and I had liked him as a person long before now. I never really believed I'd have either of those benefits when I married and so part of me wanted to simply forget the rest and move forward - to give in to the thrill and novelty of first love, and start our life together.

But the sane part of me - the part that couldn't forget how drastically my life would change the second it was announced - wanted to put everything off for a very long time. Alex had claimed, however unrealistically, that he would be willing to wait ten years, if that's what I needed, and I was sincerely tempted to test that promise. But powerful as he was, I didn't think Alex would be allowed to wait that long. I doubted even the high king would be able to grant that particular request. Not when the line of succession was in question.

And there was that terrifying thought! My son would be the heir to the throne. Which was a frightening enough prospect without taking into account what Papa said about everyone assuming me to be a failure until there actually was an heir.

What would happen if I couldn't do it? What if I couldn't have children at all, or if I only had daughters? I had no idea what the protocol of that sort of thing might be. I couldn't imagine that normal surrogacy would be an option. Not that surrogacy was a pleasant prospect, of course, but there couldn't be any question of legitimacy with the heir to the throne.

Would they force Alex to divorce me if I couldn't give him a son? Could they do that? Alex wouldn't be king for years yet. Would his father command it if it meant the security of the kingdom? I wasn't even sure divorce was allowed. I knew of no one who'd ever been divorced. At the very least, it was a horrible disgrace.

But would he need to actually divorce me? Without an heir, could he simply annul the marriage and find a new wife?

Perhaps I should have thought to ask all of this before actually agreeing to this marriage. Was it too late now?

But how could I even suggest to Alex that I didn't want to marry him? Especially after what Papa said about it being essential that he have no doubt in his mind about my loyalty.

Not for the first time, I wondered what I'd gotten myself into.

"Anything you feel like sharing?"

I started when Aunt Keira spoke from beside me and I blinked at her, bewildered. I'd been so consumed by these thoughts, that I'd completely forgotten where I was and that I wasn't alone.