the other side of diagnosis

during diagnosis

we came at the specialized hospital, friday, i came with some friends and one of his basketball coach. at this moment still he doesnt know what was going on.

doctors came to examine him, nurses took vital signs. he was very scared and started to cry. i held his hand and told him, dont be scared just pray and everything will be fine. then tears came falling from my eyes and i ran away from him and hugged my friends and cried. i cannot let him see that i was weak, i want him to take courage as he sees me strong in this difficult time but deep inside i was shattered and shattered. i dont know where should i start, i dont know what should i do, i dont know how to tell him what is really going on. i was on denial that all this was happening.

he was admitted on a private room and doctor's told me that he will start chemotherapy the next day... we were on the room trying to keep our heads high and keeping our tears from falling.. for the first time i lied to him.. i decided to come with my friends and go home to get some clothes and food to eat. all this time i forgot bathingm, eating, how do i look and smell, nothing was on my pocket, i just forgot everything.

i went home and came back, as i arrived i arranged his things on the locker deaignated for his clothes on the room, opened the window curtains, put things on the bathroom. he was inserted with intravenous line. all this time he was quiet and did not say anything. after fixing things on the room he slept on his bed, and i slept on a small sofa bed near his bed and took a rest for a while. he just followed what the doctors said, cooperated on what the nurses was doing, and listened to what i said. he started chemotherapy the next day without knowing what his condition and his disease was. all i thought and did the whole time on the back of my mind "please Lord let this just be a dream, a bad dream, make it all stop soon", then we slept through the night.