Metanoia

chapter four

"You know you shouldn't be so hard on Father Gabriel. He was just trying to help you. Same with Carl. Honestly, we could all use a little help.

I sighed. I knew he was right, but none of them understood this like me.

"Lola, baby. Come here. I know you're upset, but I have to go help the group."

"Why can't Dempsey go? There's plenty other capable people that can take your place Reagan."

"I know, but I have to prove to Rick that I can lead."

I shook my head as I realized I had zoned out.

"-nd that's just how it goes. It is what it is, and we can't change it."

I had no clue what Rick was talking about, so I gave a neutral answer and acted like I had to go.

"I know, you're right Rick. I'm sorry. I don't know who's shift this is, so do you mind taking over here?"

"Sure, sure. Go get some rest."

Rick gave me a half smile. His smile haunted me. His lips were cracked, and he had tears formed along his waterline. His eyes and face was swelled from all of the crying he's done.  I quickly climbed down the ladder, and made my way to the makeshift graveyard along a section of the wall. I sat down beside his place.

"See, baby. I told you I would be back in no time."

"Did you run into any trouble?"

"Nope. Everything went smoothly."

"Lola!"

I felt my body being shaken as my eyes shot open and I saw Carl's face.

"You fell asleep over here in the grass again."

"Oh, shoot. I got a little side tracked on the way home."

"Okay, well you better go home and rest and try to make it all the way this time."

"Yep, good idea."

By the time I got home, I was once again half asleep. I only made it halfway up the stairs before lying down and falling asleep again.

A loud banging came from the door. I ran downstairs, and swiftly opened the front door. Dempsey was standing on the other side with tear-filled eyes.

"Lo-"

His voice cracked when he tried to speak.

"Dempsey, what's going on? Come inside."

I ushered him inside to the couch. We both sat down, and he put his head in his hands.

"Dempsey, if you don't tell me what's going on right now I swear I will kick you out of this house."

"Dempsey!"

He rose up his head slightly.

"I'm so sorry, Lola. It should have been me. If I weren't such a pussy, this never would have happened."

"What are you talking about?"

"If I would have went to with the group instead of making Reagan-"

"Damn it, Dempsey! What is it?"

"Reagan is dead!"

He shouted it.

I woke up crying on a couch that wasn't mine.