Stockholm Syndrome (Punk Harry) -Bwwm

Janet

Silence. That's all there is in our house anymore, just silence. The only thing keeping me sane is the sound of our forks hitting the bottoms of our plates.

I look up at my husband. He is just eating, not worried about me really. He hasn't talked to me much these past few days but I know why. He only ever speaks of that girl nowadays and I don't care to hear about it.

"Janet. "

Oh, look at that, "He speaks. "

He rolls his eyes at my smart comment. "Janet can we please talk about this? "

I drop my fork, "Fine. What? " He looks taken aback. I never agree to talk about things; but since I already have this situation under control a bit of talking won't kill me... My marriage maybe, but not me. "Speak Amos. What do you want to talk about? "

Amos sits up looking me in my eyes, "I want to meet her. " My heart stops. I've been dreading this. I knew it, I knew he would say this.

I reach for the wine next to me and refill my glass nearly to the brim. As I bring the cup carefully to my lips Amos speaks again. "You've been drinking a lot of wine lately. "

I lower my glass, "I'm surprised that you noticed. "

He twists up his face, "You don't think I noticed that you've been drinking three bottles of wine a day? "

I look down at my glass and take big gulp. Is that it? I feel like I've been drinking more. "Well I don't know Amos. Seeing as you haven't spoken to me in a week I have no idea what you've noticed. " I take another gulp of wine and I can feel my muscles start to relax.

"I haven't talked to you because you don't like to talk. God forbid Janet talks something out for once. "

"Fine, you want to talk? " I hold up a finger while I finish off my glass of wine. "Ok. Let's talk. I'm pissed off at you Amos. Highly pissed off. You want to meet her? Why? Why Amos? "

"Because she's my daughter Janet. " That hits me hard. I know Amos always wanted kids but I told him I never wanted them. It's a lie. I wanted nothing more than to have a baby with Amos but it didn't work. It's not like I never tried but I think maybe I can't have kids.

I stop a tear before it can escape and make its way down my cheek. "Well I'm sorry Amos. I'm sorry that you have a daughter that you can't meet because she was convinced in adultery-" I stop. That's a bullet I've been carrying around for years and it has just been shot. It looks like Amos took that to the heart.

He sits back in his chair like he's at a loss for words, but I know better. Amos is never at a loss for words. "I thought we got through this. "

I don't reply. I can't say that I am over it. We were newlyweds when this happened. Amos just watches me waiting for an answer. He's looking me in my eyes and I don't break the gaze as I refill my wine glass and take a few gulps. Amos sighs, "I can't believe this. "

Before I can stop it the wine speaks for me, "Oh yeah? Well I still can't believe you cheated on me-"

"Janet-"

"We weren't even married three months yet Amos. You couldn't wait 90 days before screwing someone else! "

I stop and start drinking again. I can feel myself getting worked up. "Janet, that was almost 20 years ago. "

That doesn't make it alright asshole, I think to myself. "Ok, then I can't believe that after nearly 20 years you're still letting this woman drive a wedge between our marriage. And now you're wedging her daughter in there too. "

"How? Because I want to meet my biological child that neither of us knew about? It's not like I was hiding her from you. "

That's true. In fact I was hiding her from him. The reason I found out about Amos cheating on me all those years ago was because the woman came to me one night.

She told me that she was pregnant and she needed to tell Amos. She already had a three year old boy. Instead of letting her in I told her that Amos was my husband.

She seemed very surprised and she felt so bad that she ran off in shame. That was when I had my first doubts about Amos. I knew he loved me, and I trust him now, but I still have my doubts sometimes.

"What are you even gonna say to this girl Amos? Have you even thought about that? " By this, point I have no control over my words. I'm light headed, I can feel my body warming up and I can hear my words rather than feel myself saying them. "What, are you just gonna say? 'Hi, I'm your dad. Sorry I haven't been here the past 18 years but how's it going?' " He sits back silently. I still can't believe he found out about her. He said that he saw her at the mall two weeks ago and he just knew she was his.

Amos stands up and leaves. Well, had I known "talking" would end up with him leaving me alone with a glass of wine and a half a bottle of it left to drink I would've tried it a long time ago. A few minutes after Amos leaves my phone rings. Ooh it must be Butch! "Hello? "

His voice breaks through the slight static, "I've got the bodies. " I set down my glass, now nearly empty. "Three, " he continues. "A middle aged woman, a teenage girl, and a boy in his twenties. "

This is perfect. I can't believe this is gonna work. "How are the bodies? " He pauses, "Mangled. " A sly smile creeps onto my face, "Beyond recognition? " "Way beyond. Just like you asked. "

I love Butch so much. He's been helping Amos and I clean things up for a little over a decade now. "Thank you Butchie. You know what to do now. "

"Of course I do Cookie. I'll call you when it's ready. " I love it when he calls me Cookie. It's the cutest thing. He's the butcher and I'm the cooker. I cook up the plans and he does all the dirty work, it's perfect. "Thank you Butchie. Goodbye. "

I've known Butch for about fourteen years now. Before Amos hired him we used to spend a lot of time together. We met a little after I got out of college.

I met him at a diner I was working at while Amos and I were building our business. He used to come in every morning when I had my shift and sit in my section just so he could hit on me. Despite that, I used to tell Butchie everything about my problems with Amos. He was the only person who would listen. Who else wants to hear about a 24 year old's marital problems?

Over the years I grew closer to Butch. Sometimes I feel like he's the only person who understands me. Despite the fact that he still wants me he got married a few years back and started a family of his own. He and his wife have a four year old boy and a two year old little girl who is just precious.

His wife Annette is one of the nicest women I have ever met. She loves me. In fact she loves me too much for someone that her husband spends so much time around. Granted nothing goes on between Butchie and I other than some good natured flirting it's still odd. She just has so much trust and love for him.

I wish I could be that way for Amos. I used to be before he cheated. Now I trust him but I still wouldn't let him spend as much time as I spend with Butch with any other woman. I just don't understand it. I'm not sure if she just has an extremely pure heart and an idealistic perception of the world or if she just isn't that smart. Either way, I love the girl; and their kids are simply adorable.

I put my fork down no longer hungry. I bring my glass to my lips gulping the remaining wine. Maybe I'll just go to bed. No, wait, I have to wait for Butch to call back. It shouldn't take long for him to get the bodies into a torn down car, crash it, and torch it. I say an hour max, depending on how long it takes him to find a car and a quiet spot in town.

I stand grabbing my half bottle of wine while going towards the kitchen. Once I get in I open the fridge taking out a full bottle of wine. "I guess I'll go to the den and wait, " I sigh out loud taking a few swigs of wine from the bottle. Making it into the den I plop down on the couch starting to flick through channels. Just me, wine, and our flat screen... for the fifth night in a row.