I will return...

#The doctors entry

If you have mastered the art of typing letters single handed in the phones like Nokia 2626 or the flip flap phones of Tommy's Mission Impossible,you would easily hit the right buttons even if you can't see them.

But things have changed now..
With smartphone typing isn't smooth.
And moreover if you type with your left hand and your right hand is busy with the syringe of insulin plugged in so deep into the arteries that you can't even move it for a while.

Typing the first part took 15 minutes...
Yes too early if you aren't dying in the next 300 minutes.
My left hand soon got tired and a deep pain was pounding my right arm.
You may be thrilled with my story..
But believe me I am much more thrilled than you.
You must be waiting for the completion of the story.
And I am waiting for the completion of my life.
My left hand is typing as fast it could.
While my right hand is lying as still as a stone on the bed.

Meanwhile the doors opened at 7:15 .
I succeeded in hiding the phone before the doctors with their assistants reached my bed.

'You are a brave boy, You must get prepared physically and psychologically .We will have our last attempt tonight at 2 am.
You need not worry. You need not get tensed.
All those pains and sufferings that you bear will soon come to an end.
We will catch you later .' This was what Dr.Bhattacharya said to me while he was checking my reports.

Others were speechless.
They slowly moved out of the ward setting up the instruments. Dr. Bhattacharya who was about to leave the room turned to me and said in a sad gentle tone
'Get all your plannings done.'

By his words ....
To get all of my plannings done meant that to tell my family that they won't see me the very next day.
It meant to do all those sort of things that I used to think that I had plenty of time to do.
It meant that my death is confirmed.

I am relaxed now and in a peace that I have never felt before.
You need not to worry for me.
The only thing that I accept willingly is my death.

Truth to be told tonight that I really want to die.
To separate pain and emotions from my soul.
To get rid of what we call Family and Friends.

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.

I remember what Steve said about death .
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.

Almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

But why a boy like me wants to die.
Because of my deadly disease.... Nahh ..

But
because of what I have had lost in my life so far .
And its the fact and universally acknowledged that when you loose all those what you have gained, you readily welcome death. All what I had gained I already have lost them.

At a sudden all my attention from typing this paragraph was withdrawn when a figure emerged behind the doors.
It was my beloved mother,standing behind the closed door,hesitating to face her dying son.
She unwillingly opened the door and entered,reached to my bed with her heavy steps with light tears dropping down her cheeks.

Mom its paining ! What should I do? I asked her with sarcasm.
May be it wasn't a good time to crack a joke. But I did to stop my mother tears.
I failed.

She started murmuring something .
May be she wanted to speak to me.
But because of tears and a broken heart she couldn't.
Words came out of her lips like the breeze of a late winter night- so soft and light .
That confirmed her grief over the mask of a false smile that she made to comfort both of us and giving a fake promise that we would meet again.

Finally she said.

'We will miss you, we will not cry once you have gone, am happy that you will not face any such pains by the next day dear.'

I looked upon her. She held my hand and weeped her overflowing eyes.
I didn't speak a word. We were looking each other in deep silence.
May be we both knew that this probably would be our last meeting.

I wanted to hug her so tight and cry.
But I couldn't.
She stood up and kissed my forehead .

'See you mom',I spoke .
'See ya soon', she replied and with this
she left the room crying.
The door shut again.
And keeping all the series of emotions aside I get back to write to you.

Two tiny teardrops fell down on my smartphone's screen. And I could feel what a separation from mother really means.

Its 7:50 pm now.
And soon it will cease to 2.
The clock was ticking.
The keypads too.

Now let me take you to the flashbacks of my life and how I reached here.
What I lost and what I gained.
Why I want to die.
And most importantly Who am I!

Its 8pm now.
I promise you that the next few hours you are going to read one of the most heart touching story you have ever read.
Just bear with me and my grammer.
He he.