Life Of A Gentleman (COMPLETED)

[24]

                                                      [ Kimi ]

My mom told me to be back before 10:00pm. It was 12 midnight. Shawn had kept me out two hours past my curfew.

I started sneaking up the steps to my room, winching at each creak..creak..creak.. "KIMI!" I'm dead. I decided to ignore her, and get on my knees hoping to crawl up the steps un-seen. The house was old so she could just assume it was floor board "relaxing."

"Kimi I've already see you." Damn.

I looked up. "Hi Mom." I gave her my best, and biggest smile as if I was okay. "Get up girl." I got up feeling a sharp pain between my legs. If it wasn't for sex feeling good through all the pain, I would never ever do it again.

Honestly, I don't know If I can be able to do that again.

"I know your hair was straight before you left the house." My Mom was looking at me like she knew I had just had sex.

"I went swiming with Shawn." I was already telling on myself before it was to late. "Wearing what?" I didn't even try to explain. My Mom just gave me this look like she knew. "You had sex with him didn't you?"

I looked at my feet nodding. My Mom looked at me with concern. "Are you okay baby?"

"I just wanna go to my room." I told her. My Mom hugged me, and I continued walking up the steps to my room. I shut the door peeling off my clothes before climbing into  bed wearing nothing. I buried my face into my pillow.

Clutching it tightly I just let the tears flow.

I didn't understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I was really confused. I wanted to tell  Shawn not to hurt me, but he's not even my boyfriend, So why should I matter that much? I'm on a level below Monae, and I wish I didn't have to compete with her all the time.

That girl could do no wrong.

I sat up from my pillow still crying. I just knew I'd be on the sideline again. It was gonna be a lot worst this time though. I actually had sex with him. I moved my hair away from my face hearing my phone vibrate.

I wiped my tears answering it. "Hello?" hearing Shawn's voice made my heart ache. "You okay Kimi?" I fell back in my bed clutching my pillow while holding the phone to my ear.

"Yeah." I lied.

"Why were crying?"

I was trying to come up with any lie that seemed legible,  but it was unsuccessful when I heard myself automatically say "I don't want to be pushed to the side by you again. Not after we just did that."

Shawn got real quiet.

I started to hang up till he said something.

"Kimi, you knew I was feeling you. I'm not the one who took three years to finally admit how I felt, and Monae was already feeling for me .She didn't put up no front about her feelings, but you did."

I listened to Shawn russel around in the back ground not knowing what to say to him. "I like you Shawn." I openly admitted to him. I really want him to know how I felt about him without scaring him away. I really wanted him to want me they way I wanted him

I had let him take my virginity. I had let him do things that I would never let any other guy do. Shawn was really special to me. I doubt Monae felt the extent of what I did for Shawn.

"I like you too." I heard him say. "But if I got with you, we'd be sneaking around, and shit. We wouldn't be able to tell anybody. I'm not tryna get my ass whooped. I smiled. "Are you asking me to be your girlfriend Shawn?"

 " I don't know. I would, but I'm not tryna hurt nobodies feelings."

Why didn't he just say Monae?

The old me wanted to say fuck Monae, but the better me just said,"I understand Shawn." Shawn paused again. "I'm sorry." My heart thumped painfully inside my chest. "Your just being honest. I'm gonna go to  bed now." I tried to stop my voice from sounding squeaky.

"Kimi.." Shawn started.

"No, I'm okay. Really. I understand. I know you have been through a lot with her, and that would be hard on her, and on you. So it's okay." Shawn let out a breath. " I really do care about you though. Do you believe me"

I was tired of him saying that.

What made her better than me? Did he love her? I wanted him to say I mattered more than Monae. I bet if it were her wouldn't even think about me. He didn't last time. We had kissed, he told me I was beautiful in my basic wear, than the week after that he was very much cuffed up with her.

"Why is she better than me." I barely said it. It came out as a whisper. I was hoping he didn't hear me, because I didnt mean to ask. "I never said she was better"

I didn't believe him so I hung up on him.

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