When I was eleven
I received “the talk”
I had grimaced and
shivered about how
disgusting and painful
it sounded
When I as twelve
I had told myself
I would save myself for marriage
I would not drink
I would not smoke
When I was thirteen
I began to be sad
For no reason at all
And thought I needed
a boy to change me
I had my first kiss
at a football game
with a boy I had just met
a few hours before
And we held hands
And we made out
behind the bleachers
But we broke up
Two weeks later
As I told him that my
heart belonged to someone else
And it did
When I was fourteen
I was head over heels
for a boy who still
makes my stomach
turn
He taught me what it was like
to love
and be loved
To fight with the best intentions
To want with every fiber of your being
But then he left
And I fell into a sadness
so deep and so dark
It hurt to breathe
And left me alone
He gained his wings
And all I wanted
was to have my own wings
And I screamed
And I cursed him
And I hated him
But I loved him
I still love him
I numbed myself
with cigarettes
and alcohol
and pot
At just fourteen
At just a freshman
I had broken the promises
I had only made two years earlier
When I was fifteen
I gave myself to a boy
On a Tuesday in June
I tried to have his touch
His lips on my neck
His hand in a place
YOU ARE READING
When I Was [a poem]
Poetrythis is my story through the years. [no pattern intended]