Half a Heart

chapter five

It took me a while to do my make up and all, but when I finally exited my bedroom, I felt a fresh new start boiling up inside of me. I smiled, and joined my family on the couch. 

"Wow. You look great." Jeremy's deep voice bellowed from my right. I turned my head towards him and stuck my tongue out. He rolled his eyes back at me.

"You don't look too bad yourself, Jeremy.." I said rather playfully, nudging him. He rolled his eyes again and smiled, flashing his brilliant white teeth in my direction. Our parents motioned for us to follow them to the car, and I nodded, lifting myself from the leather of the couch. 

For that brief moment I felt as if I was one with my family. That quickly changed.

I followed my brother to our family vehicle, and smoothly glided into its contents. my hands traced the loud seams down the side of the seats. I could feel the strength vibrating from within the depths of the engines as the key was turned to start up. I shivered.

"You okay?" Jeremy didn't even look up from his phone when he said it. 

"Yeah." I breathed, and glared into the setting sun. We drove.

 I saw a spark in the darkness of my broher's eyes as we stepped out into the smoky air of the parking lot in front of Bobby's Cheese Burgers. I scowled and elbowed him softly.

"Ouch?" He confusedly shivered. I smiled playfully and responded "You know something."

"I do not."

"Sure"

"I'm serious." he laughed. I shook my head, a grin plastered on my face. We entered the cheese burger restaurant. The air practically reeked of grease and frying oil. I cringed as we made our way to the counters.

"I know, right?" Jeremy mumbled to me. "I never quite understood why you liked this place. It's absolutely disgusting." I nodded, really though. We arrived to the front of the line, and an overweight male greeted us rather joyfully.

"What'll ya have?" his chin fat jiggled as his jaw moved. 

"Double cheese burger with a side of cheese fries." Dad blurted out rather unexpectedly. The clerk nodded, and typed a few fat-fingered digits into his key board.

"A cowboy burger, please." My mother smiled graciously, painfully, at the overweight Burger restaurant clerk. 

"Same as her." Jeremy pointed expressionlessly to mom. Double chin jiggles, and a glance at me with lazy eyes. My mind went blank, and I found myself saying something I never really decided on. 

"A plain cheese burger please." An eye-battering smile to go along with it. I turned to my brother to find his mouth agape and eyes painfully staring at the floor. I didn't speak.

As we made our way to our table, Jeremy breathed ever so slightly into my ear, "That order.... It's what you ordered before." I shrugged, sliding into the small booth my father picked out. There was no need to ask "before what?" We all knew the answer to that. 

Something clicked inside of me.

"You know, this is all so stupid." I spat the words out like I had been holding them in for ages. "All of this 'Aww, poor baby Natalie fell off the roof of the apartments on River St., we should treat her like she's a new kid because she lost her memory' Well I don't want your pity. I brought myself to this, so I think I should bring myself back out." 

My parents stared in disbelief at my words, and I loosened my tone a bit.

"Its just, I hate watching your silent grief. Please, accept me as the Natalie you've always known. Maybe then we could all be happy." Silence.

"Yes, I think that would be best. We're sorry Natalie." My father's sad eyes met mine in a heap of worn and blue. I smiled apologetically. Only seconds passed by until our burgers lay in front of us, and we were eating ferociously. Grease dripped down my chin as I chewed on just about the most glorious thing I had ever tasted. The night was black, but my mind was buzzing.

***

When we had returned home, full stomachs and all, I was told that I would be attending school the following Monday. It was a Saturday.

"Natalie, you have to go to school. I know that you've been through quite a.. uhm.. trauma lately, but everybody has to go to school." My mother's soft eyes bored into me as I zoned out. 

"I know, It's just... I wont have many friends, will I?" I sighed. 

"To be completely honest, no. But you can always make some! You're a beautiful girl, Natalie. And you are nice, sweet, and funny. I'm sure you'll make tons of friends."

Meanwhile, Jeremy walked by, about forty sheets of notebook paper with near-illegible notes scrawled onto each. He snorted. "Yeah, that's what you told me on the first day of kindergarten. I got beat up two days later." A small smile crept onto my face. It was nice to know I my twin brother had full confidence in my popularity. 

Soon, all was quiet. Nothing but the smell of Febreeze and the sound of my mother's loud page turning. It was then when I retired for the night, or so I thought. Just as I had reached the dark corners of my room, a shadowy figure stood just beyond reach of the light. I shivered, switching on the lights to find Jeremy holding a small journal. It was a dark blue color, with silver embroidery along the sides. 

"This was his," He said quietly, "he told me to give it to you once you were back to.. normal, I guess. I don't know what it is or what is in it, so don't bother asking." He shoved the cool leather into my arms and trudged out of the darkness. I sat on the floor, switching on the lights on the way down. The paper was fairly new, with coffee stains on every other page. On them, were tiny scrawled words that were intertwined by stray lines and curls. But what they read, was what got to my head.