This isnt a story. It isnt happy. And it certainly isnt gonna have good grammar or punctuation.
These are gonna be my last words ever read.
Im sorry to you all. I definitely dont ant any of you to read this and feel bad after. ive had this planned for 2 years. To those of you who know me, Im sorry you knew me.
Now where to start... Its no ones fault, other then my own. Im writing this for a lot of people so bare with me.
To my family. You are all my heroes. you gave me courage and strength when i needed it most. I have tried so hard to convince myself not to do it but the bad outweighs the good. and the horrible outweighs both put together. My mind takes over to much now and i wish it didnt. i cant help my anger anymore. its too hard to control now. I love you so much. all of you. and im sorry.
Pinky. your up next bubba. I cant leave and not give you a reason. for as long as i can remember, all ive felt is pain. so i got used to it and when you showed up you changed everything for me. you made me feel happy, and not so hurt. but the happiness fades after a hile because im to used to feeling pain. i love you lil sis i really do. your not alone okay, youve got teri and travis. you dont need me.
travis. i loved you. i really did. sometimes i wish i didnt because of how much of your life you threw away cos of me. i know you'll find someone else. your strong and independent. dont let dumb ass people put you off of living. your skin is a part of you and i know you hate it but you shouldnt. it can be solved.
Anthony. we've only been friends for a little while but i think you deserve some credit. youve stalled my demise. You made me smile on a night here i had my suicide planned out fully. it as gonna be that night. but you came along and you made me stay. you treated me like an equal and im greatful. thank you.
Taylor and Aaron. You to dumb asses have been my best friends for ages. Taylor its been years lil mouse. and years i never wanna forget. Im sorry i broke so many promises. im sorry i asnt around. im sorry im leaving you. I'll always be with you. Aaron, im sorry i dont talk as much as you ant me to. im pretty boring if im honest. but you knew that. look after her ffs dont let her do anything stupid. she needs you.
Luke (Chaplin)/ Nugget. Im so so sorry. I hope they leave you alone. you deserve some one so much better and stronger. im not enough to help you. i wish i was. I really freaking care about you and i love you and i dont care who knows. You need to keep moving on for Brooklyn. he needs his daddy. they dont control you, you control them. remember that.
Now this ones for everyone else. Your demons ill punch and kick and scream every fucking word at you. but listen to me when i say this. you can defeat them. they are merely a small part of you that will eventually seem distant. keep your back straight and head in the clouds and never come down because in the clouds the only thing that can hurt you is your mind. dont let anyone else tell you any different. i love you guys.
And thats that. This is my final goodbye. but please know that im not publishing this the day im gonna do it. this is just for you to hold onto for as long as you want. you still have a little while with me.
Peace!!
Caitlin :)
