I'm Broken

1

//Harry//

In school I had always been the top of my class. My grades were the most important part of my life. I had yet to attend a party or basically any social event in all my years of schooling. Not that anyone would want me there anyway. I'm not exactly the 'popular' kid. No, that was Louis Tomlinson. Oh Louis. He was literally the fittest person on earth. Yes I'm gay, and I have a crush on the most popular kid in school.

Louis is so sweet but he doesn't notice me. A year ago he said sorry to me when he accidentally bumped into me in the hall. That was the first and only time he'd ever talked to me. Being the stupid idiot I am, I got so nervous that he actually spoke to me, that I just stared at him with a gaping mouth. He thinks I'm a freak. Everyone at this school does.

Oh did I mention I'm bullied too? They have good reasons though, I'm a fag, I'm worthless, I'm fat, and I am a waste of space. I already know all this. I tell myself the same things every night while I drag my blade down my wrist, or thighs, or stomach. My blade is my only friend. It's the only thing I can count on.

I can't make friends. The therapist said it's because I have trust issues going back to when my father molested me when I was younger. He's in jail now but I guess that screwed me up. Or it could be the fact that my mother thinks I made up the whole thing. I don't really know if that's where the self loathing comes from or if it's just the fact that nobody's ever told me otherwise.

I've never been called pretty, or nice, or beautiful, or even handsome. I hate being the way I am. I hate everything about myself. I just want to die. But every time I think about just ending it, I hear Louis's laugh, or I see Louis's smile, and I smile. And then I think, I can't do this today, maybe tomorrow.

I fix my glasses that were sliding down the bridge of my nose. I really was trying to pay attention in class but I just can't stop thinking about everything. I can't stop reliving my shitty life. We're doing proofs in math and I'm already done the paper that the others are working on, so I allow myself to zone out. Then I hear the bell ring. I guess time flies when you're reliving your own personal hell.

I swung my bag over my shoulder after tucking my binder into the opening, and headed for the door.

"Mr. Styles?" I hear my teacher, Mr. Sean call.

"Yes sir?" I responded, hoping that he wouldn't take too long and I wouldn't be late for the next period.

"Harry, so I can see that something is on your mind, wanna chat?" He patted the chair next to his desk and I frowned. I always felt weird around him. My stomach always felt queasy and unsettled. But of course this was all my imagination according to my therapist.

"No thank you, sir. I'm going to be late if I don't hurry," I rushed and began to head for the door.

"Bye Harry," he called as I left.

Just then the bell rang. Shit. I thought to myself as I started running down the hall towards my next class.

//Louis//

I was just sitting alone with my thoughts as the bell rang signaling that third period began. instantly I looked to the empty seat near the front of the room. Harry. I had seen him this morning in first period so where had he gone?

Its not like I was stalking him or anything... well okay maybe a little. I can't help the fact that I have a big huge crush on him.

I want to talk to him, I really do, however there are multiple reasons why I can't bring myself to.