I'm Broken

2

Trigger warning

//Harry//

     I ran out the back door of the school, not wanting to get caught running away.

     I needed my blade. I needed it badly.

Tears were really making it hard to see as I ran. I just can't believe that Louis would do something like that to me. It makes me so angry and at the same time I can't believe I didn't see it coming.

I had about a 5 minute run back to the safety of my home where I knew my mother wouldn't be. Almost every day she went to visit my father in prison. She hates me, not that I can blame her. I ruined her happiness. I deserve to be hated.

I just wish I was never born so that everyone's lives could be happier.

     I finally reached my house after running what seemed to feel like a marathon.

     I opened my front door and slammed it behind me, shaking the entire house. Then I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, tripping twice, to get to my bathroom.

     I flung the bathroom door open and shut it behind me. Then I reached under my sink to grab my favorite blade, and slumped down to the floor.

     I pulled off my shirt and pants so I could find places to start cutting. I was already almost completely covered in multicolored scars, some newer than others.

     Cutters are just attention whores I heard my mother's voice hiss at me. I didn't care anymore. I don't care that I'm an attention whore, fat, freak who is in love with a boy who would be much happier if I left the earth.

     I always knew deep down that eventually everyone would let me down, I'm just glad Louis got it over with fast.

     I stared down at my new collection of bleeding cuts on my wrists, thighs, hips, and stomach.

     I lost count of how many times I slashed into my skin.

     I took the small metal blade, now soaked in my crimson blood, and held it in position to make the final vertical cut down my wrist. I could do it. I can be free.

     Just do it! My brain screamed. Nobody cares! Louis can't love you, he's not a faggot. He's not worthless. He's not-

     "Stop!" I screamed as tears bursted from my eyes uncontrollably.

     The blade slipped from my grasp and clinked softly to the ground. I drew my knees to my chest and let out the loudest sobs that I had ever cried before.

     I screamed at the top of my lungs in hopes that someone, anyone could hear me.

     "Please!" My crying began to soften as I began to run out of tears. "Please I need help," I croaked out.

     I didn't need physical help from 911 or anything, these cuts wouldn't kill me. Not deep enough. I need someone to save me. I'm drowning and as much as I'm trying to swim to the surface, waves just keep dragging me down.

     Slowly and painfully I dragged myself to the shower and pulled my pants off and crawled into the tub. I turned the water on, hissing as it hit my cuts.

     It burns but I deserve it.

     I only had one thing on my mind, Louis, even though he most definitely hates me. It's now confirmed.

     I just always pictured him saving me. Being my knight in shining armor, we'd ride off into the sunset together.

    I should've know that I'm not worthy of even a dream.