Release (a Criminal Minds story)

Chapter 5

JJ knew she had to face her feelings sooner or later, but she couldn't decide that very second, not now. It wasn't like she was dating Reid either-but that would've meant she was just using Reid. She felt like the walls were closing in on her, squeezing every ounce of guilt from her body.

"JJ, you alright? You look kinda sick," Reid asked.

"Yeah Spence, I'm fine," she replied. JJ put one of her hands in her pockets and put her arm around Reid, hugging him and rested her head against his shoulder.

"What was that phone call about?"

"Hmm nothing really. Hotch just wanted to tell me that Will was waiting for me."

"Oh."

The air started to feel thick between the two of them. JJ changed from the physical position she was in, and stepped back a few feet away. Reid started fumbling with his fingers. They felt so awkward.

JJ started talking, "Listen Spence, we gotta talk."

"Talk about what?" Even though Reid knew exactly what she was going to talk about.

"About this, about our "relationship" or whatever we have. I'm so sorry. I know I started all this, so I guess I have to be the one to end it...again I'm so sorry Spence, but we can't 'keep playing around like this' anymore."

"JJ, it wasn't like we were in a relationship anyways, besides we only *did it* once together." Reid exclaimed. He stepped closer to JJ and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"True...but it seems like I was just using you and-."

Reid interrupted her, "JJ it's fine. Don't over-analyze it it'll just make you crazy." He plastered a tight smile on his face.

JJ plastered a tight, but genuine smile on her face too. "Spence you always know the right thing to say.

They then hugged each other, but the smile faded away on JJ's face. What if JJ lost her chance with Reid? What if-no. She loves Will, she loves Will! She's committed to him and Henry. What she did with Reid was only a one time thing-never again. JJ then played all the amazing moments she had with both Reid and Will, but none of them really stuck out from Will, except for when Henry was born. She had a lot more with Reid, like their close hearted talks, and from when either of them just escaped from a tight situation and would just hug each other like they could never let go. She had to erase those memories she had with Reid from her head. It was tampering with her feelings, her heart.

------

The mechanics finally got the elevators fixed, so JJ and Reid went home. When they both got there, all they could think about was each other. Reid took his mind off her, by reading a bunch of theoretical science books, and JJ got her mind off him, by spending time with Will and Henry to remind her of the commitment she had to fulfill from marriage and caring for a child. They read stories together, played hide and seek and played ring around a rosie all together as a family. JJ soon became tuckered out and exhausted. She put Henry to sleep, kissed Will and plumped on the couch in their living room. Will decided to join her on the couch. They rested their heads against each other and stayed like that for a while.

Will started to talk, "Jayje even though you were stuck in an elevator for almost an hour, it still turned out to be a really good day, didn't it?"

"Um...yeah...you can say it was a good day..." JJ stuttered.

"Jennifer is there something wrong, something on your mind?" Will asked, concern written all over his face and voice.

Yeah there's something wrong, I think I'm in love with my best friend. JJ didn't say that out loud, but she was definitely thinking it. "Yeah Will of course nothing's wrong. Everything is just fine..."

"Jay you've been acting strange for the past two days now. Are you sure there's nothing I should worry about? I don't want to keep secrets from eachother."

"Will, I promise you everything's fine," JJ exaggerated.

"I honestly don't believe that for one second." Will said. "Does your behaviour have to do with yours and Cruz's kidnapping?"

Well it slightly has to do with that, "Actually yes." She lied. "That's the only thing that's really been on my mind lately-like all I keep thinking about is how do I keep myself and the people I care about around me safe? Will I'm so scared." Even though JJ thought that from the top of her head, it just dawned on her; What if I actually can't keep the people around me safe anymore? Like look what they did to Cruz-what if other people do that to the other people I care about? She really needed to stop over analyzing things. Like Reid said, it's just going to drive her crazy.

"First off, thanks for telling me Jen. It really reassures me, and second it's okay to feel this. You just went through a traumatizing event. Don't worry about it, everyone is safe, I mean they're all trained FBI agents." They both chuckled. "And if you want a therapist, we can just get-"

"Whoooaa, Will no way!" JJ put both her hands up and started laughing. "I really don't need one, but thanks a lot."

"Anytime Jay, anytime." Will leaned in for a gentle, chaste kiss. Despite that, JJ savoured it and enjoyed it. She finally got her mind off of Reid and got it to where she wanted it to be.