Minor Writings

I Survived

[Trigger Warning: There is some talk of sexual assault, mental abuse, physical abuse, and other mature topics.]

If I don't talk to you it feels like a knife is impaling me, and you push and pull on it continuously.

If I do talk to you I'm more depressed than usual, crying, and remembering all the pain you caused me.

I want you to leave.
But, I want you to stay.

In reality, you need to leave.
It's hard for me to do.
But my heart is trying to heal.
And that is something I will achieve.

Your harm.
Your lack of love
Your lack of empathy
Your continuous abuse
The sexual abuse
The mental abuse
The physical abuse

The marks you left were not just physical but mental.
The memories you left also showed on my skin, not just in my mind.

Hate me
Hate me for continuing life
Hate me for not following the deadly path you created.
Hate me for surviving the monster you are.

You love the physical pain you caused.
You love the mental pain you caused.
You love the hurtful memories you put in my head.
But, you'll never tell any one else.

I loved you. You didn't love me.
I cared about you. You didn't care about me.
My feelings were true. Your feelings weren't honest.

I survived.
I survived it all.
To much of your disappointment, I survived.

Your actions were some of the many that shaped me into who I am today.
Don't take pride in it though.
I made it happen.
I survived.