Chapter 1

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I pulled out the sheets of paper from my bag, hands shaking from being both nervous and upset. I walked up to the stand and looked at the array of people before me, looking up at me for just a tiny bit of happiness. The black they all were wearing depressed me just that bit more. Why couldn't they all wear bright colours? I'm sure it would make them feel a bit more uplifted. I gripped the paper, pushing back the tears that tried to force their way out of my eyes. My breath was quick I felt sick. I couldn't do this.

"It's not a pleasure to be here but I'm glad I was asked to come. Simon was the greatest person I have ever know to walk the earth. To some of you he was a man who lived his life to the fullest, but he thought he was living it the way any person should." Eyes welled with tears that soon rolled down their cheeks. "My Simon was a different person from who you knew. To you he may have been that outrageous and daring person but to me he was someone who brought happiness into the world, a best friend who was always by my side, a shoulder to cry on when you were in the darkest and most sad place on earth, and to me, my other half." More tears, more red puffy cheeks, more stuffed noses, more tissues. "It's sad that our story won't be written in the history book and that we won't be mentioned in the bible, but for me," I put my hand on my chest holding my heart, "That's okay. Our love story wasn't written for everyone to know or for everyone to talk about but it was for us. It was for us to play a part in and for us to keep each other for messing up our lines. I messed up a few time and I know I did, but Simon helped me, he told me my lines and kept me in time to the music. I returned the favour every so often but he didn't mess up as much as me. He was my sweetest down fall and thats the best thing I could have asked for."

The sound of a loud ringing woke me up. I hit the button on the top of the little baby blue clock sitting beside me on the bedside table. I wiped my cheeks feeling the dampness of the tears.
I had been crying in my sleep since Simon died but it wasn't unusual anymore, I was kind of used to it. I wiped the rest of the tears away with the back of my hand and dried them on the covers. I walked down the metal stairs barefoot but the coldness was starting to sting so I ran the rest of the way. I drew back the big red velvet black-out curtains and looked out the window. Same dull weather, same dull people in the same dull street. Same dull everything! I rolled my eyes at everyone down below and went into the kitchen to see what there was to eat. I pulled back the fridge door to see; eggs, butter, cheese, mayonnaise and tangerines. I felt rage and hurt build up inside so I grabbed the tangerines and walked over to the balcony door. I walked out on to the balcony ignoring the coldness that tried to make me flinch and threw them on the street. One of them nearly hit someone and I put my hand over my mouth.

"Oh my gosh, I'm really sorry!" I shouted down at the middle-aged woman. She looked up at me with a glare and continued on walking. Wait, I wasn't sorry. I wanted rid of them for a reason. "No I'm not. I take it back, I'm not sorry anymore!" The woman had turned the corner so I doubt that she heard me but a few other people looked up at me. I walked back in and realized how cold I was, so I walked over to the coat rack and picked up my housecoat, enveloping my self in it. A buzz came from somewhere and I thought hard as to where I had put my phone. I ran over to the coffee table in the living room pressing the green button to answer it, not checking who it was that was calling me.

Mum: "Hello?"

Me: "Hi?"

Mum: "Oh sweetheart its you."

Me: "Who else would it be?" My voice had unintended anger in it.

Mum: "I don't know? And enough with the attitude." I rolled my eyes. I was 25 not 15.

Me: "Oh dear sweet mother, how may I help you?" Sarcasm was intended.

Mum: "Don't get smart! I was on the phone to Angela, you know the one..." My mum continued to talk on about who Angela was but I lost interest and decide to make some toast and tea instead.

Me: "Yeah, so what does Angela have to do with anything?"

Mum: "Well you see her brother knows this man who is a publisher for this big company," emphasis on the big, "And Angels brother said he knew you and that he would love it if Mike, I think that's his name- but anyways he wants to help publish one of your books! Isn't that exciting?" I could hear the happiness in her voice but I really couldn't care any less to be honest.

Me: "Yeah that sounds great mum."

Mum: "Well you don't sound very excited."

Silence lay between us. It was very haunting but I still didn't say anything.

Mum: "This is still about Simon, isn't it...?" She hated the fact that I couldn't get past his death. I hated her for hating that.

Me: "No, that sounds great mum. Give me the guys number and I'll phone him soon. Is that oaky?" I tried my hardest to put a little bit of happy in my voice.

Mum: "Okay sweetie, but please don't take to long to do it because he is on a very tight schedule."

Me: "Okay, well I have to go, I have food waiting."

Mum: "Bye sweetheart. Love you."

Me: "Yeah, love you too mum."

I sat on the orange couch watching some old movie about cowboys and Indians in big hats, shooting each other . But being truthful, I wasn't even paying attention so I didn't know if it was cowboys and Indians shooting each other, I was more interested in watching the clouds move and take different forms every second. It was calming and relaxing. It helped when I was mourning over Simon, just watching (something that wasn't man-made,) change. The end titles rolled across the screen so I went and made myself another cup of tea. By the time I got back Doctor Who was on. It must have been re-runs because it was episodes with Christopher Eccleston and Billie Piper. Mine and Simon's favourite Doctor, was David Tennant. He always used to say 'It's crazy to think that he's Scottish'. I don't know why he thought it was crazy in any way possible, but I would just nod my head and play along.

It was the episode where the Doctor and Rose travelled back to Cardiff in 1896 by mistake and met Charles Dickens.

Half way through the episode my phone started buzzing again. Jules ;). I pressed the answer button and waited for her to speak.

"Hello?" She asked question if I was actually there.

For about three months after Simon had gone, I would just press the answer button, put myself on mute and see what, whoever was calling wanted. Yeah, it was rude but I didn't want to talk to anyone and you can't blame anyone for wanting some space. I had stopped doing it but they would still make sure that I was actually going to talk to them.

"Hi," I said, my voice a whisper.

"Oh good your actually there."

"I won't be for long, there are re-runs of Doctor Who on the TV so you have until the adverts finish which is about 3 minutes max." I could tell, not even having to be near or looking at her, that she rolled her eyes.

"Well a bunch of us are going out tonight to a pub in town. You don't need to, but it would be amazing if you did because I told these friends all about you and how well you are coping and they really want to meet you-"

"I'm not going." My mind was set and I wasn't going to change it. No matter who these people were.

"Andi, it-"

"No Julie, thats my decision and I'm not changing my mind." I heard her sigh and something bang like she had slammed a book on a table.

"Look, I know you are still in mourning but you are going to have to get over him someday so why not try and make a start?"

"You can really be a bitch sometime did you know that?" I hung up and threw the phone on the couch. People had to stop interfering with my life. Its mine and I'll live it how I want.

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Hey, thanks for reading my book. Its not the best but I guess its okay. Anyways, I just wanted to say if some of the book doesnt make sense, like the tangerines, then you will find out in one of the flash-back things :) Hope you enjoy the rest!

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