Ziall - ( a one direction bromance love story)

Flashbacks of Pain

Nialls pov.

My eyes opened. I was laying on top of Zayn. The fact that Zayn and i are dating is still weird to think about. I thought that it was never going to happen, and that i would have to live through the pain of loving him forever. That our relationship would only excite in my head.

But i dont have to live it as a dream, because now i can live out my relationship with Zayn in reality. Make everything happen for real this time. Relive all my perfect dreams out and see what its really like with Zayn, not how i dreamt it would be. I just hope its has perfect and that everybody is happy and okay with it.

The fans, our girls are amazing and i know they all have these names for our bromances and always think of what would happen if we made them real. But now that one is real, are they still going to want that to be, or are they going to turn on us and find it repulsive? I need Zayn, i cant go back to how things were before we were together. We may have only just started dating but things feel so much better. I can finally stop filling in the void of in my life and stop getting rid of the pain, because its not there anymore. What i had to do to forget about things for a while was wrong and i could ae done so much more damage to my body but things never went that far. Im afraid that id anything happens to me and Zayn i could go farther than i ever have and i could get hurt worse than i already have.

~

Flashback~

The lads had gone out and i stayed home. I couldnt go out with them, not with her there.

Zayn had met a girl while we were out shopping and they started talking. She hadnt fangirled and Zayn found her very attractive. He brought her home with us and she stayed the night. They seem to have really hit it off and i hated it.

I know that Zayn is never going to be with me, why would be ever be with me? When he finds out that im gay he is going to find me to be gross and he is never going to look at me the same way again. Zayn and the others are going to treat me differently and arnt going to be the same way around me. But Zayn is going to be the worst of them all.

He has taken that thing out with them and i cant stand even breathing in the same air as her so i pretended that i wasnt hungry. It wasnt a very good excuse, as i am always in the mood for food, but Zayn didnt think anything of it and grabbed the girls hand and left. The lads had a bit of confusion in there looks but just shrugged and left.

My knees went weak and i dropped to the ground in tears. It hit me like a bullet. The amount of love i feel towards Zayn isnt normal. Its not just a huge crush anymore, its love. But its only love from one end. Zayn doesnt love me and he never will. I had to get rid of this feeling. I hate it but there is nothing i can do to get rid of it forever but i can get rid of it for a little while.

I forced my body up off the ground and pushed myself to the bathroom. I locked the door incase anybody came back early. I sat down on the ground and went in the cabnit under the sink and pulled out a razor. I took the blade out and held out my arm, pressed the blade to my wrist and i pushed the blade in and dragged it down my arm. Blood came dripping out of the cut and my arm was in pain but the love i had for Zayn wasnt there anymore.

I dragged the blade down my arm again and it drew more blood. I needed to stop but i couldnt. I couldnt let the love come back. I needed it to be gone. Its not normal, its not right. I cant love my bestfriend. I cant love one of the lads, i cant love a boy, not when im a boy, not when the lad that i love is out with a girl. This is the only way i know to get rid of the feeling for as long as i do it. I know that i can hurt myself doing this but the feelings i have for Zayn cause more pain for me than this does.