My only flower

present

       It's been 3 weeks of me crying, no sleep, no eating, no friends, no family, no video games, no you. You have been in my life for 3 years and it was the best 3 years of my life, and I miss all of it, all of you. I've turned off my cell phone because it's blowing up with "how are you" texts and "are you okay?" " when are you coming to school?" "hope you get better" but the thing is, you don't get better. The pain just becomes less, you just become less. Without you I don't know what to do, I'm lost for words, don't want to talk to anyone, don't want to eat. I just need you again. 

       The only time I leave my house now is to go to see you, because I don't want to go to school where everyone is crying, asking me questions, and talking about you. Your locker is covered in flowers, letters, cards, pictures. And I can't handle looking at it, all of that stuff should not be on YOUR locker, you should not be gone, it was not your fault so why are you paying for it? Mom doesn't like me being home but she can't drag me out of bed so she calls the school and the conversation usually goes like this:

"hello"

"hello? Mrs. Grey you are aware that Matt is not in school again today?"

"Yes, He is still having a hard time" 

"Mrs. Grey, it's been 3 weeks"

"Yes, I know he will be back soon"

Then usually ends with the school telling my mom about how if I'm not in school soon we will have to go to talk to someone from the sate, but whats the point of going now. Yes I know "education is important" "need a good job for the future" But I just don't want to see the world with out you. A world with out Olivia Sawyer is a world I don't want to be in.