JULY 2 FRIDAY 11:45 PM
i want to see you again...i wasn't drunk enough last time; my arms were flung around the wrong shoulders
JULY 3 SATURDAY 9:00 PM
you fucked me with bloody hands at 8:00 and this time, my body knew who it was. i am looking at myself in a grimy mirror but i do not recognize the face; my eyes are bruised and red-rimmed. you're facing the window, looking out onto the dark suburban street where i carved your name into a trunk of the tallest tree, where i gazed at you like you were my everything. you're not...you're not my everything anymore and i'm sorry.
JULY 4 12:09 PM
humans are selfish. achilles and patroclus, you and me. you're not my everything, but i love the way your blue eyes look in an indigo glow, i crave your warm skin that reminds me i am alive and that i can feel more than a half a tank of adrenaline. there are some nights i'd like to forget, but not this one. never this one. july 4th is lava lamps in an empty bedroom, faint pulses, and a roman holiday. baby, love isn't soft. it turns you into a thief of the night; burning with desire you are a fucking cannibal on the hunt. i drove fast to escape when i realized this was the night i would die (like i hadn't already ha) but we ended up falling onto the edges of our own swords.
i don't even write anymore. i cry, and i drink, staying awake all night dreaming in my internal movie. maybe the king is dead too but this time, i don't want this to be over till it's over. july 4th is my ending and beginning, my kingdom come lies in the darkness of my suburban gothic tale of love and deceit, popsicles at 2 am and my baby lying next to me. beg me to lie, because i am tired of my truths. they are hollow; i am hollow.
