When God Made You

Chapter 4

++The Collision++

Despite of our immorality, I tried to live a life not thinking about it. Like it was normal. Until, we reached to our four years of sinning. An impure life!

"Happy Anniversary, my love. Four years and counting. Aren't we?'' I smiled joyfully and gave Connor a hug. I discerned and deciphered that he didn't like it. I could see a glimpse on his face that he wasn't even delighted about it. My anniversary greeting was a flop.

"I'm sorry, Elena. But I am done with you." What he said reverberated through my ears.

Not just that, it was like a needle kept poking on my heart. I was tremendously afflicted. And my chest started to cave in whilst I could feel a lump in my throat. I was already wheezing and tears running down my eyes. Pain.. Excruciating pain. I tried to control my emotion and remained my composure as calm as the sleeping infant nestled on his mother's arms. But my attempt failed.

Oxygen.. I needed oxygen..
But I needed Connor more than oxygen.

It was my first break up. It was unbearable than I thought it could be. And Connor didn't even prepare me for that.

Infinite "Why's?" popped out of my mind and I wanted to bombard him with it. Thus, the only words that my mouth uttered that time were, "I love you, Connor. I really do. I even gave you almost everything that you wanted. Wasn't that enough reason for me to make you stay? Please stay." I sobbed and I pleaded. I was embarrassed of myself for begging him to stay with me. However, it didn't matter anymore. I needed him because I loved him. Well, that was what I thought before. I hadn't realize that our relationship was just clouded with lust.

I could see coldness towards me in Connor's eyes, ''I'm sorry. But you need to let me go."

Rage ruptured in my shattered heart, "What's wrong? Tell me what's wrong!!! Do you have someone else, now?" I broke down. I could handle it no more. I was in my total havoc.

He was unmoved by the actual scene. It didn't seem to bother him. Did he lose his heart completely?

"It wasn't you. It's all about me.'' He was a puzzle that I didn't know how to unravel. I couldn't comprehend why he wanted to leave me if he hadn't have someone new. Was my love still a dearth?

That moment on, Connor Schidmt was abruptly a stranger to me. Wasn't he the man that professed he loves me?

Wasn't he the man who promised me a lifetime of to love and to hold?

Wasn't he the man that I shared intimate moments with?

Connor Schidmt was my first beau. He was the first man who made me feel that I was loved romantically. That was what I thought. Was he just dallying the entire time?

Even it was too painful on my end. I needed to let him go like what he wanted to. It wasn't my thing to get a grip on someone when he didn't even want to stay.

I honestly didn't know where I got my strength from but I managed to stand up and say, "Okay. You're free, Connor.''

I dropped on the ground the anniversary gift I had for him. Poor little thing! It was not supposed to be treated that way.

I slowly stave off from Connor while carrying my grievous heart.

Probably the little voice was right all this time. I was lured. I was lured by Connor's bait.

Why I wasn't able to realize it right away?

He busted my heart. Worst, my soul too. And what was more painful to me. I allowed him!

I got the taste of my own medicine. I rebelled against God. Evil paid off evil.

Rebellion brings atrocity to ones self.

I was doomed!

"Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them."-Romans 1:32 KJV

I deserved to be judged!

I deserved to be condemned!

I deserved to die!!!

Spiritually..