Who is My Senpai?

Chapter 7

I froze. Then a few words were managed to get out of my mouth.
"I-I.."

BUDO'S P.O.V.
What was she trying to tell me?
Did she wanted me to leave?
Did she love me?
Wow, I had experience with love but I never felt this stressed in my life..

AYANO'S P.O.V.

I was going to be a good person. So first I should stop lying.

As I take a deep breath and manage the words in my head Budo started to talk.
"I can leave if you want..."
NO! No! I needed him with me. I couldn't lose the only person who I needed and was with me.
I said [to be honest (ugh I hate being honest..) shouted]:
"No!"
"I CAN'T BE WITH YOU..."

BUDO'S P.O.V.

That hurt. I thought she was going to admit she loved me.
But... I needed to learn the reason.
So maybe I could change my bad ways for her.
"Why?" I asked.

AYANO'S P.O.V.

Ugh Budo..  I wish I could tell you what I have done. Wish I could cry on your shoulder. I wish I could sleep in your lap. Wish we could enjoy the night in a park while gazing stars upon. But I can't. Because I don't even know what I'm capable of and I don't want to hurt you. That was the thing that I wanted to say.But I couldn't. After 17 years, this was the most emotion filled moment of my life. Even more than the time when I met Taro. In this moment I thought my heart was going to get out of my chest because I was between anger, sadness, love, regret and this list continued.

I was sad because we could never be together.
I was angry with myself.
I regretted the things that I did.
I loved Budo.
I.. I was broke. But it was MUCH worse than the one I had in my whole life.

But he deserved an explanation.

But I didn't have the courage to say all of these things while looking at his face.

I was a terrible person.

I needed a sentence that summed up the whole thing.
And it was about to come from my mouth. The truth, the pure truth.

"Because.. BECAUSE I AM A.. I AM A MONSTER!"

Then I started to run.

I needed to get out of here.

Before getting out I  saw his face. That look.. I knew that I wouldn't be able to forget it in my entire life.

I went to a park. It was very silent. Nobody was around. That was the exact place where a monster like me deserved to stay forever.

As I sat down a swing I hoped Budo didn't follow me.

BUDO'S P.O.V.

I was shocked. I couldn't move. What did she mean by that?
Sadly I closed her room's door as I exited. I closed the front door and looked around. She must be somewhere here. I searched for her the whole night but she was nowhere. I called her. She never picked up. I called my mum and told her that I was going to stay in a friend. I waited for her on the outside of her house.

She never showed up. I eventually fell asleep infront of her door. I woke up with a buzzing. I quickly grabbed my phone hoping it was her. It was my mom. She told me that she wanted me home in 1 PM. I realized it was 9 in the morning. I said okay and closed the phone.
Where was she? If she wasn't here it meant that she was out somewhere in the cold. It gave me the chills. She was having some problems and I made it worse when I could've just be on her back. I called her a few more times but she didn't pick it up. It was 12.50 and my mom was strict about her rules so I left. My only hope was to see her on Monday. To be honest I was never this excited to go to school.

I didn't sleep in that night. I wore my school uniform in that night and got in the bed. I waited and waited.

ON MONDAY

Finally it was morning. I got up, got my lunch and quickly went to the school.

Few people said hello but I was so distracted I didn't seemed to notice them after all. I rushed to the school.

I was early.

I went on the school rooftop and stared at then students walking in. She was not there. I tried to motivate myself by making random excuses about her not being here.

"Maybe she slept late?"

"Maybe she is ill?"

"Maybe she came earlier than me?"

I turned around and saw her. Smiling at me.. Then I took a step to her. Then another one. Then another one. I was going to take her into my arms and never let her go. Then everything went black.