Pain //h.s [Editing]

Prologue

Prologue:

What does it mean to be deeply in love with someone? More importantly, what does it mean to be in love with someone you shouldn't love at all? Sometimes I find myself questioning what I have, what I feel.

Confusion, confusion is what I feel sometimes. I get confused about what I should do, what my next move should be. I'm always so careful, thinking about everything and planning everything I do or say in my mind before I act on it. I never used to be that way though, I used to not care, I used to be able to say or do whatever I wanted without worrying. What changed?

I know what changed, I'm now scared of danger. I used to not be, I always thought nothing bad was ever going to happen to me. Why would it? But now, now I'm scared. I have reason to watch my back, watch closely to the people around me. Not knowing which ones are out to get me, which ones I can trust. But why? Why is everything different now? Why am I more paranoid?

Things started to change when I met him. In ways I felt safe, but I also felt unsafe at the same time. I sometimes felt exposed when I was with him. I didn't want to let my guard down and then end up regretting it. I went through it before, and I didn't want to go through it again. Especially not with him!

He's dangerous, he's not someone to get mixed up with. I never know what could happen when I'm with him. Anything could happen, I mean anything. He's a criminal, he's been to jail. He's done bad things, what would stop him from doing worse when he was with me? I didn't want to be around him. I didn't want to trust him and then get burned in the end. Because getting burned in the end means feeling Pain.