Alone (KickThePj)

Chapter 5

There he was. Just sitting there a few yards away from me, having no idea that I was watching him. He was sitting on a bench facing the lake while reading a book. He looked older from where I was standing.

His brown hair had fairly noticeable grays popping out from the roots. He had a beard, which was new and he wore glasses too. But even with all the changes, he still looked like the same man from 16 years ago.

I had been standing there for over half an hour trying to build up the courage to walk up to him. Over the past 16 years I had come up with many things I would say to my father if I ever saw him again (not very good things I might add). But now I'm 30 feet away from him and my mind was completely blank.

The park wasn't very crowded. There were children playing in the playground and their mothers watching closely. Joggers and bikers would pass by every few minutes. A young couple was sprawled out on the grass, enjoying the spring air. I was leaning against an empty bike rack while sipping at my coffee.

Just then my father turned towards my direction and stopped, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. He had seen me. I had no choice now, but to go and talk to him.

Reluctantly, I moved my feet towards him and stopped once I was a few feet away. Neither of us spoke or looked at each other. We were incapable of doing anything other than being still and staring holes into the ground.

"Would you like to sit down?" My father asked, breaking the silence between us. His voice sounded the same as it did back then. It sent flashbacks of my past that I tried so desperately to forget

I shrugged and took a seat. We were silent for a while. I wanted him to speak first. I needed to hear his reason even if it was just some bullshit excuse.

"I know you're angry-" He started to say.

"Really? What on earth could have given you that idea?" I Scoffed.

"Zelda please. I'm trying to apologize." He sighed.

"I don't want you to apologize dad... I want an explanation!" I paused at the word dad. It sounded so foreign to me.

He looked at his hands in defeat. "Then please let me explain."

I didn't say anything. I let my silence answer for me.

My father struggled for a while.  He played with his hands over and over again. Even for him it was hard to think of what to say. And he was the one that left us!

"Your mother and I never got a long. Even when we were married, we had problems. But boy did we love each other." He smiled brightly, causing him to look the same old dad I remembered. I felt like a little girl again.

However, that was short lived once his smile had fallen. "After you were born, your mother... Your mother got into some bad things."

My eyebrows knitted together. "What things?"

He hesitated. I had a feeling that he really didn't want me to know. "Your mother was a junkie, Zelda."

I stared at him in disbelief. No... She... She couldn't have been... There was jusy no way. My mother never did drugs. She was a good mom. She took care of me.

"You're lying."

"I wish I was." He sighed.

"My m-mom was a-a great mom. S-She wouldn't do that." I stuttered.

"Do you remember your mother? I mean before I left." He asked.

I tried to think of the memories I had of her. My heart dropped when I realized I had none before I was six. I shook my head.