by star.
--
-x-
Dialogue.
Purely dialogue.
That's all Mitch and I really are anymore.
"Hi."
"Goodmorning."
"Want breakfast?"
"Sure."
"Cool. I'll go make it."
We avoid eye contact. We don't hug or kiss or cuddle anymore. We barely even manage to sit in the same room anymore. To be honest, I'm surprised we are still living in the same house.
We aren't going to break up, though. I need him and he needs me. The feelings are still there. I know that somewhere deep inside Mitch, wherever his feelings are now, he still loves me. I love him so much and I'll never give up.
Even if Mitch isn't even technically a human being anymore.
He doesn't feel anymore. He doesn't communicate right anymore. I don't even think he knows how to be a person anymore. For some reason, he lost everything about him. He lost everything he was in the accident.
It's because of that goddamn accident. If the car hadn't freaking crashed, if Mitch hadn't blamed himself for her death, he wouldn't be a hollow, empty person. He'd be loveable Mitchell Hughes, famous youtuber, amazing friend, and beautiful lover.
But he's not. Now he's Mitchell Hughes, a person barely living.
"Does pancakes sound good?"
Mitch shrugged.
"Mitch, I need words."
"I guess."
"Okay. Did you get ingredients?"
"You know I don't go out anymore."
"Right, sorry. Do we have cereal?"
"Tons."
"Looks like that's our breakfast then!"
I try to be cheery. I still try to be Jerome Aceti, outgoing, loud and funny dude. I try to be Jerome Aceti, the gamer who doesn't have a care in the world.
I still try to be Jerome Aceti, Mitch's lover.
"This is some good cereal."
"Thanks, bought it myself."
"That's funny."
"Didn't hear you laugh, though."
"I'm sorry."
"I miss your laugh."
"I'm sorry."
"Why don't you laugh anymore?"
There was an awkward silence and Mitch gave one last chew before shooting up out of his seat. "Excuse me, I feel a bit sick."
He tried to run to the bathroom but I was quicker. I latched on to his wrist and pulled him closer to me. He was shaking a bunch, the contact of our skin felt so weird now. But yet, I missed it so much.
"Jerome, p-please..." he pleaded, his voice shaking as much as his body was. "I-I don't l-like this..."
"We need to talk."
"We talk all the time."
"Not about us, though!"
"Okay, fine! Want to talk about us? Fine! We're broken, Jerome! And it's my fault! It's my fault that the girl got killed, it's my fault that you're so sad, and it's my fault that this relationship is in ruins! Everything is my fault and sometimes I wish I was just dead!"
His face was red and scrunched up and I was in awe. He managed to pull away from my grasp and stormed up the stairs to the room we used to share. It took me a while to process it all but I ended up shooting after him.
I found him on my bed, staring straight up at the ceiling. A smile was on his face, which was hot and wet. "That felt good to get out."
I slowly made my way over to him, trying to test my limits. He turned to look at me, cocking an eyebrow. "Well, go ahead, come on over."
I cautiously joined him on the bed. I didn't expect him to place his head on top of my chest, letting out a big sigh. Still not sure if he was comfortable, I lifted a shaky arm to drag through his hair.
"I'm crazy, aren't I?" he choked out.
"No, you're just a sad person."
"Gee, thanks, Jerome."
"No, I didn't mean it like that. I meant your feelings are nothing but sadness. Well, to be honest, I didn't even know you had feelings anymore."
A chuckle came from Mitch and I gave a content sigh. How I missed that sound.
"Do you think... maybe, we can try over again?"
"Only if you forgive yourself first."
"That's going to be hard."
"But it wasn't your fault. She was the one texting while driving! You were paying complete attention, and she was the one who skipped the red light and got hit by you. If it was your fault, you'd be in jail right now. I need you to forgive yourself, Mitch. You're an incredible person and I still wouldn't be here if I thought any less."
A sniffle came from him. Suddenly, so did an "I love you."
A stupid grin spread across my face as I leaned down to give a peck on his head. "I love you, too."
-x-
