Snapshot

The worst lie

"Worst lie you ever told?" She questioned, staring up at the ceiling fan as it circled above them on the bed, her hand drawing circles on the duvet cover.

"I love you." His answer was cold, suddenly chilling the summer air between them.
The circle came to a halt as she grew still, trying to digest the meaning of the words.
"What do you mean?" She managed to ask without her voice trembling but inside she was anything but calm.

"Exactly what I said," he didn't elaborate further and she wondered how this person that she felt like she had known for so long could have become a stranger within seconds. His voice sent shivers down her spine and suddenly her legs felt cold although they were on top of his heart. She couldn't count the number of times she had heard those very words come from his mouth, but at that time they seemed so real, so natural. Now she wondered if everything he did or said was a lie. She could hear her heart pounding and the hair on her arms stood up. She didn't even know how to react. How was he saying this without even looking at her face. Although maybe that's what had made this all so easy for him to say. Swallowing her spit she took a deep breath then lifted her legs and twisted around so that she faced him.

"Who?" Her question was short and ambiguous but both of them knew exactly what she meant. Who was the poor soul who had been lied to? She needed to know who he had cut so deeply with those three words that they would be damaged irrevocably. She needed to know it wasn't her.

Within those seconds after her question every sound seemed to amplify tenfold; the clock as the seconds ticked by; the chatter of the neighbours outside so oblivious to the hurricane that was happening within her room; the shifting of the duvet as he sat up to face her too.
His eyes were blank, no emotions showing, no regret, no malice, just the endless blue/green that she had spent so many nights trying to name. Somehow now it seemed so obvious why they seemed surreal. Because they were never meant for anyone.

"You."

Her heart hitched, her eyes brimmed with tears even though she knew. She knew it had to have been her. She remembered all those summer nights ago when he told her she was the first person her had been so close to, the first person who had made his heart flutter he'd said.
But it was a lie wasn't it. Everything in his stupid presence had been a lie. The way his eyes crinkled when he laughed with her over the stupid things, the warmth of his hand on her back as he led her across the street that night her car had broken down in the neighbourhood across, the way his voice changed for each character when he read out loud. He'd been laughing at her not with her. He'd been hiding his face not protecting her. And he'd been showing her that he was never truly himself, laughing in her oblivious face when she didn't even catch onto his clear hints.

Her breathing became ragged but she didn't dare move. Not until he had left because right now he was just standing there watching her piece it together, watching her break little by little. And she would not break until he was gone- not until he couldn't see the damage he'd caused because she would not let him get that satisfaction.
She blinked slowly allowing her tears to evaporate then her eyes found his, his eyes that now looked as though she'd just given him the best present anyone could ask for.
"Go."
She was surprised at the strength of her own voice. She walked him to the door just to show she wasn't affected then, as soon as the door closed behind him, she sank to the floor, tears streaming silently down her cheeks as she screamed inside.
She should have known.
She should have known.