It's Just a Poetry Book

18

I couldn't say no.

I don't think people realize how difficult it is to say no. I mean, when somebody offers you food or asks if you're sad, it's easy to say no. It comes naturally. But to look somebody in the eye and let that two letter word escape your lips... that's freaking hard.

And that's why I couldn't do it. Especially to you. How could my pitiful, emotional soul look into your orbs of cobalt and refuse a love like yours? A love that was totally one-sided. I knew that, but I couldn't sat no.

I had gone to your house about a half hour after you messaged me and told me it was a mistake. You said you were so sorry for what you had done, and that you still loved me. How did your mouth let you lie like that?
I remember sitting on the couch next to you, your eyes burning as you gazed at my stiff posture, my eyes fixed on the television screen ahead of me. I didn't want to have to look at you and say no.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, "Give me one more chance. You're an amazing person, and-"
I turned to look at you, and that's when my eyes met yours. I was about to say no. I was about to stand up and leave you in a room filled with your self inflicted awkwardness and pity. But your hand slipped its way up to my neck, your cold skin sending shivers down my spine. I stared into your eyes, alternating from left to right, trying to ignore the oceanic views that twinkled back at me teasingly. "It's okay," I had slipped, "I missed you."
And you didn't even wait to acknowledge my response. Your lips were hot on mine, slowly and smoothly, more slowly than you ever had kissed me before. Hot and deep, you held my cheek in your hands, and leaned over me. I was a wreck of emotion and confusion. I was supposed to say no, but the pit of my stomach was shaking and I couldn't. My lips trembled numbly as you pulled away to smoothen my knotted hair from my face. You grabbed both my wrists, pushed them above me and came back down, suffocating me with your lips. Your tongue was slow and warm, making my mind jumpy and my lips senseless. Your skin desensitized my thoughts, your cold skin on mine. My heart crawled when your hands brushed on my collarbone, cold fingertips in the hollows. Perhaps I was a valley you wished to explore as you trailed all over me, your lips on my neck, your right hand on my waist, the left stroking my lower back.

I was supposed to say no. I was supposed to say that you lost me. That once you had said words like that, you can't take them back. But I let you. I let you take every single painful word away with a single look at your eyes. A single, life threatening look that tossed me over the edge.

I fell in love with you.
It's a pretty deep thing to fall into.
And I can't crawl out, I'm stuck.
It's sad though.

Because you're on the edge, looking down at me with ocean eyes, and you know I can't, but you're waiting for me to say no.