Thoughts

Thought 2.1

5/28/17
Inspiration from now/earlier this year.

It's like being the best on the team, and I guess before I start, I should say I know I'm not the best on the team, but its like you're the best on the team, but feeling so unimportant and unneeded. Like the top 3 other people got to go on a trip and speak for the team, but you were denied access even though you asked and there was the ability for you to go. And they decided to take another person with them, but not you. And the only reason one of them is going is because you had an injury earlier on or kept switching positions because you wanted to help and fill what was needed because you could. And one of them says, "well, don't you think it'll be too much? I mean, you aren't even really that good anyway," or, "You didn't play with us a year ago when we started playing," even though you had. The coach blindly backs them up because they don't know what the other players even mean by what they say, one of the players doesn't know this conflict is happening, the one they decided to take doesn't have your back because they're closer to the one that said those things, and the last one agreed with you but didn't fight them much on it. And you tried. You tried to stick up for yourself and you proved every point they had wrong. But you were still denied going on this trip. And now the knife is in your back and you're watching it on T.V. and their facts and points aren't very strong and they sound a little dull and tired. You're watching it all go to flames and there's nothing you can do. Because they didn't want you there, and you weren't important enough to fight for. That's how I feel. Unimportant. Unneeded. Unnecessary. Excluded. Disliked. The list goes on, but that's how I feel.

~N