THE GOOD SHEPHERD

4

Cliff Richard - Some People

[early morning, unusually hot for this time of day and year, Sir Louis on his everyday horseback ride along the wooden fence surrounding Harry's paddock]

L: Climate change is a nasty thing, don't you think, Mathilda?

(Mathilda snorts affirmatively)

L: What about I take that sweaty shirt off? Don't you think I'd look like the most elegant equine being ever? Like a centaur, graciously overlording his mythical woodland...

(before Mathilda can answer, L spots a man in the distance, apparently naked from the waist up)

L: Omg, avert your eyes, Mathilda! What does he think he's doing?! Scandalous... This isn't a nudist beach!

(Mathilda and L slowly near the offender, a blush creeping up Mathilda's cheeks as she keeps her eyes on the sandy farm track)

L (realizing): No way! It's young Harold! He's fixing the fence! What a bizarre human being... (shouting) Good, morning, Harold!

H (startles, lets go of the hammer in his hand which graciously tumbles down onto his big toe, tries to cover his nipples with his hands which is difficult to coordinate as we all can imagine, gives up, stares at a tuft of grass in front of Mathilda's hooves while his cheeks blush furiously): Good morning, Sir Louis.

L: What a nice day for a topless fence repair, hu?

H: Yeah, it's really warm-

L (not listening, inspecting H's torso): Why the butterfly?

H: Excuse me?

L: You have a massive butterfly on your tits.

H: Oh. Yeah, I just... I think, it looks nice. I like butterflies.

L: And you have four nipples.

H: Um... thanks?

L (tired of stating the obvious, concentrating on the task at hand): How did the fence break? Do you think you can fix it on your own?

H (L's changes of subject give him whiplash): Um... I think it's just a pretty old fence. They tend to break more often when the wood gets rotten and the nails start to rust. Yesterday the sheep realized that there was quite the gap between these two posts. Which made me realize it too, shortly after. (he frowns as he remembers how long he had to chase after the escaping sheep until they were all back in the shed; it took him hours to convince the more adventurous ones to return to their home)

L (registers the dark circles under the exhausted boy's eyes, sympathetically): You should have... You know you can call me whenever, yeah?

H: I know, I'm sorry. (L grimaces; he doesn't want the boy to be sorry for anything) I'll remember to call you next time.

L: Good. Now, I don't want to hold you up any longer. (definitely wants to hold him up a bit longer) Mathilda needs to finish her daily ride. (Mathilda silently disagrees) Use sunscreen, yeah? (Mathilda starts walking)

H: Will do. Thank you, Sir.

L: You're welcome!

H: Have a nice day! Good bye, horse.

L: She's called Mathilda.

H: Oh. Bye, Mathilda.