Why I Live

I live for... the snow

I hated it once, the snow. It left me bare to the unwanted and unneeded ice. It caressed my skin and blankets of snow collected on my warm clothes. I watched the couples and families, give each other secret smiles. The children creating snow angels and people snuggling together, fighting the cold together. While I sat against the cold bricked building, alone.

I just seemed to go unnoticed, I think they saw me and meant to help, but got distracted with the pretty lights. Much prettier than I. Much more important than I.

Until the day I ran away, far away from the small town. To someplace beautiful, where I found my toxicity. The most beautiful one.

I sometimes hoped he saw me in a different light. That he would realize how much it hurt when he left with another one of his... girlfriends?

I sometimes hoped he wouldn't think of me as his secretary, or his roommate, or helper. I hoped he saw me as a friend, at least.

Now I love the snow, I love it because he loves it too. I remember the time he truly smiled at me and we shared a moment, a moment he probably forgot, a moment I would probably forget too.

I left the enterprise, tears streamed down my face and my mascara stained my pale cheeks. I remember him running after me, screaming at me. To give him a second chance, that she really meant nothing to him, the he loved me.

I pulled away from his grasp when he tried to touch me, his hand didn't send shivers down my spine, I didn't feel electricity. I just felt him and his scars. I felt content.

"Don't touch me, don't you dare. You keep on doing this to me Brenton, you keep on forgetting that you love me. Why? Why do you say you can't live without me? When you say obviously can," His excuses slipped past his lips so easily, so realistically, I almost forgot he was lying.

"Don't you walk away from me, you can't do that. Where are you going to go? You live with me," I flipped him the finger, I didn't now where I was going. Back to the streets, back to Blake?

I didn't care at the time, I continued walking till I couldn't see his figure anymore. I walked till I found a bench, a comforting bench and as I sat the first flake of snow fell directly onto the tip of my nose.

I giggled as I dusted it off, and at that moment his car pulled up in front of me. I sighed as he got out.

I didn't protest when he sat next to me, or when he took my ringed finger and kissed my forehead. I sobbed into his chest and in that moment, I knew that he cared. He might not have loved me but he cared.