Short Stories

Hold Me

Raulson

This story touches on a very sensitive topic.
This of course is entirely fictional and is a product of my wild imagination.
That being said, I do not wish this on anybody.

"I love you."

Every night for the past 6 years, I would hold her until I hear those cute little snores that inevitably escape her mouth - no matter if we were having an eventful night, tired after work, spending time in each others arms the whole day, arguing over nonsense to serious matters, suffering and in pain, I would make sure that she feels secured, protected and loved before she drifts off to peaceful slumber.

Our relationship has never been perfect.
I do not expect it to be.

Our lives have never been easy.
I do not expect it to be.

These little things, even by just holding her in my arms every single night makes everything seem easy and perfect.

But what I did not expect this little thing to be so hard.

"Well, Miss Rabe, we have a 50/50 chance of curing you."

Lily, the love of my life has been battling a rare case of cancer for 9 months. Everyday has been a challenge for her yet she continues to fight with that warming smile on face. Optimistic, enthusiastic and charismatic - that is what she was. She remained calm even when everyone's hearts around her were breaking into unrecognizable pieces. With that mentioned, I could still remember seeing the fear and sadness in her eyes but she does not let that over shadow that sparkle.

She was strong... she is strong.

"I am deeply devastated to let you know that you only have 3 months to live."

Her cancer is so rare, it could not even identify itself - spreading rapidly through the most vital organs but her faith, hope, and the will to survive so strong, she was able to endure multiple rounds of chemotherapy and proved the doctor wrong.

On the other hand, her body starts to recognise the failures of the treatment over time. Those rounds of endless pain were not successful and left her weak. Those nights she would have her silent painful breakdowns when she thought I was at rest, trying to muffle her sobs with a pillow however, when I open my eyes, she would be there again with her smile as if she was not in any pain, internally nor externally.

There has always been a part of Lily that is so humble. She would sacrifice everything just to make you happy. She would do anything just to make feel at ease and not to worry about her. As much as I loved that - I despised it. I never wanted her to suffer in silence. If I could only put that burden and pain on myself, I would've. My heart beats and breaks for my Lily - pillypie, lily babe, lovepants, florie, and baby.

It still does.

The 30th of May 2016.

I still feel the sorrow of that day, striking me over and over and over agin.

I still feel her soft fingers, caressing me over and over and over again.

I still feel her lips, kissing me over and over and over again.

I still feel her tears on my arm, attacking me over and over and over again.

I still see it all, replayed in my head over and over and over again.