Blood stains the floor and tears stain my cheaks. I stuble to my bed. I sit down on the eadge. I wiped away the tears. No more pain is what i want but never get. Thats why the scares line up my arms and thighs. I was weak. Aways waiting for something thats never going to come. I lay down and rest my head on my pillow. i fall asleep but i dont want to wake up. I want to sleep forever. My dreams are the only place i get happiness. The only place i feel joy. Life always finds a way to rip joy out of my life even when im asleep.
I wake up screaming. Tears flood my eyes. Stupid nightmares. I run to the bathroom and reach for the blade. I cut deeper then i tried to. Red steaks gushes down my arm then stain my pajama pants. I clean the cuts only for then to bleed again. I felt dizzy and called to my mom. As soon as she walked in i collapse. The only thing i hear was her scream.
I woke up only to be blinded by bright lights. I tried to sit up but pain shoots thourgh me. I see people all around me but they are silent. I try to speak but nothing comes out. Suddenly the people disappear and the walls start to close in. Then i wake up.
I look around. Im still in the bathroom. And my mom is crying in the corner. She rocks back and fourth saying "its all my fault, its all my fault" over and over.
"Mom," i try to say but my voice breaks. Her head shoots up and she rushes over to me. "Are you all right, what were you thinking you could have killed yourself!" She said.
"Dying would be better," i said crying again. She pulls me into her arms.
"Dont ever say that again, you have a whole life to live never harm yourself again."
I nod but i know once your pulled under its hard to pick youself up.
